A Change In The Weather

    A change in the weather with Maddison.
She is melting down constantly today. I tried to take the kids to a market today, knowing that she was on the verge of either a tantrum or a meltdown. BIG mistake on my part.
   Before we'd even left home, she was out of sorts. She demanded that I drive in silence, with no radio on. Now I NEED my music, it's my way of staying calm. So we went home, and got her the earmuffs I bought for Cooper when we took him to the car races, they block out almost all sound. That helped.
     We got to the market, and she was sooking before we'd even got out of the car. She started grizzling, and I told her to stop being silly, and settle down. We wandered into the market, and within ten minutes she'd  gone into tantrum mode. Knowing it was only going to get worse, we headed back to the car.

    Mistake number 2. Being in a moving vehicle with a tantruming kid on the verge of a meltdown.

    So we get in the car and leave. She was kicking my seat and screaming at me. We'd planned to go to visit my in-laws, since we hadn't caught up with them for Mothers Day. I decided to abandon that plan, since Madd was only going to get worse as the day went on.

     Mistake number 3. Deviating from the plan.

     The screaming and kicking turned into hysterical screaming and things being thrown at me from the backseat. RARELY does she get this out of control, because usually I'm smart enough to head it off. I usually would have backed down and given in, and gone to the inlaws. But this time I didn't.

    Mistake number 4. Not backing down.

I thought it was a tantrum and not a meltdown. I really should have known better by now. The hysterical screaming and crying continued the whole 45minute drive home. She was screaming profanities at me, and telling me that Cooper is my favourite, and that Cooper and her both HATE me, and that I don't even WANT to be a mum, and that she hates me. And Cooper hates me. And she wants another mum. And then for another hour and a half. When we got home, I left Cooper with my brother and took Madd into my room. The room was dark, the blinds shut. I sat with her on my bed for half an hour, rocking her and telling her that Cooper is NOT my favourite, and that I DO love her, and I DO want to be a mum.
    After about half an hour of this, she finally stopped screaming and crying. She then wanted to lie down in my bed for awhile. So she did that. About an hour later, she came out and she was anxious but calm.

    Mistake number 5. Thinking it was over and done with.

She is now sitting at the table colouring. It's been 5 hours, and she is STILL anxious and edgy. She's constantly yelling at her brother to stay away from her, and get away from her things. I can't even ask her if she wants a biscuit without her yelling at me to leave her alone, and saying "I don't KNOW if I want one!".

So it's an anxious calm. I'm glad the meltdown is over with, but she's not quite back to normal yet. I don't know if she WILL be.

I figured that, even though we don't know if it's Autism Spectrum or otherwise, there's a lot we can try to help her with. She is constantly biting her nails and chewing on her lip, so we bought her a chewkey from Mud Pie. Then the teacher took it off her at school and didn't give it back. So I can't even use that or her sensory octopus to calm her down. Her teacher took that off her too.

Now her teacher knows that we're trying different things to help Madd avoid meltdowns, and avoid absconding. But no. Teacher knows best. The teacher is adamant that it's not Aspergers Syndrome, because she's taught one child with it. So all Aspie kids must be the same, of course.

    It's frustrating, because the school knows she has behaviour problems. They're not all that interested in finding out why though, it's easier to label her as a bad kid.  They know she's being assessed in July by the paediatrician, and the teacher said she's willing to try things that will help Madd. The words just aren't matching the actions.

   Ash seems to think the school is "doing all they can". I disagree.
They don't seem to want to do anything until there's a diagnosis. I'd like to try different things to see if we can help her in the meantime.
But a lot of her behaviours aren't happening at school - she's absconding, but they seem to think it's an attention-seeking thing. It could be. But I believe there's more to it. I know my child.

    So in the meantime, we have massive meltdowns, angry outbursts, yelling screaming and kicking, and hysteria. Not to mention that if she starts to melt down and wants to run away, I have to pin her down until she's calmed down and doesn't need to run. I've organised a trampoline for her, so that she can go out the back and jump on it when she gets stressed.

I'm almost at the end of my tether. I get limited support from Ash, due to his always being at work. Mum isn't much help emotionally, because she never gets to see the full meltdowns.
 I have a friend who has a son with HFA (high functioning autism), but like everyone she has her own life and I don't like to intrude too often.  I just want to get her the support she needs, and that I need her to have.
    I need a break. But if I send her down to Mum's, I don't know what's being said to her. Mum doesn't always think before she says things to Madd. She means well, but she says things like "Cooper is cute, so he gets more attention. If you do clever things, you'll get attention. Acting like a baby just makes people annoyed." And all Madd takes away from that is "Cooper is cute so he gets more attention".
It's frustrating!

Thanks for reading my little venting session, please comment if you're up to it.