The Blog Is Moving

      I've come to a decision - I'm going to move my blog.


It's not a decision I've made lightly - I like the setup of blogger.com... but there's no link to Facebook, so it's very tricky for people to leave feedback and responses.

So it's moving to http://aussiejenna.wordpress.com/

Please check it out soon!

Fat... plus decisions to make

    I'm feeling fat.

I'm feeling worse than fat - I'm feeling uncomfortable. I'm over 110kg now, and although being 6ft means I don't look super-fat, I feel really large. I know that I've been indulging in all the wrong foods and not exercising; so what do I do about it?

I know that I should stop drinking soft drink, stop eating sugary snacks, and eat less in general. But it's extremely tricky. A lot of it is lack of willpower, and the fact that I love all the wrong foods. And I should exercise - but that's really tricky when I have no energy (thanks to the antidepressants) and little opportunity to get to the gym (maybe I should get a treadmill?).

And Ash and I are currently discussing whether or not to have more kids.
I've been very very clucky since seeing my nephew at a couple of days old.  But I'm not sure if I can put my body through what it went through last time. Although, as long as I stay well hydrated, I shouldn't have the same problems. Dehydration caused a lot of my problems.

So... to have more kids, or not?
To find the motivation to lose weight, or wait for it to find me?
Decisions, decisions.

And even better - Coop has come up with one red spot on his foot, and he's got explosive diarrhoea - to the point where I looked at his shorts and t-shirt and decided to throw them in the bin (or rather my nose and stomach did). Looks like we may have another Pox patient soon.

xxx

The Adventures of the Chicken Pox Kid

     So Madd has chicken pox.

It first appeared on her legs on Tuesday morning. I sent her to school on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, assuming that they were just mosquito bites. I was wrong.

On Friday morning I noticed quite a few spots on her lower back. There were a few on her stomach, so I figured that if there was a mass infestation of mozzies or fleas in our house, then we'd have to flea-bomb the house. So off to the doctors we went.

When we got there, the receptionist looked at Madd, and sent us to the nurse's station. I found that strange, because I really didn't see why. Then the nurse came along and had a look, and said "yep, that's chicken pox". I was dumbfounded. I hadn't even CONSIDERED chicken pox! Whoopsie!

So we've been home yesterday and today. We had to cancel our plans last night, today, tomorrow, school Monday, and Melbourne Cup Day Tuesday. Plans that I really was looking forward to.

Madd is actually handling it quite well. She was fine yesterday, albeit itchy. Stuck her in a Pinetarsol bath, which she HATED and screamed the whole time. Then, on advice from the pharmacy worker, we covered her in Solosite gel. We did that most of yesterday. Today she's barely had any issues. She's been very tired and restless, but overall pretty good. She hasn't scratched at all, and we haven't neeeded to put gel on. She's had one dose of Panadol, since she has some chicken pox spots in her "vajayjay" (I am very sorry that she has to deal with that). But she's been incredibly good. Misbehaving and melting down, presumably from being stuck at home with no routine happening and plans all changed since we can't go out - but not stressed about the chicken pox.

I'm dreading spending the next few days at home. Cooper has worked out how to get onto his top bunk, even though we removed the ladder - he just climbs up the side and swings his way up. So today I put the ladder back on, since there's no point in not having it there. It hasn't helped keep him off the top bunk at all. He's such a little climber, it drives me insane. Twice today he's decided it's a great idea to put a full toilet roll in the loo and flush it. Very lucky that he hasn't blocked up the loo yet. 

So it's been an interesting couple of days at home. I've baked lemon and poppyseed cupcakes, a cappuccino cake, and tomorrow's agenda is making a caramel slice.

I wasn't coping too well this morning, I can't handle the thought of being trapped at home. I've always loved the fact that I can pick up and go, even with two kids. I've always loved having my freedom. But knowing that I'll be stuck at home until at least Wednesday... that's not sitting well with me. Fortunately with Ash being home on Wednesday and Thursday I'll still be able to go to placement. Just hoping Madd is better by next Friday night, because I'm supposed to be doing a Mary Kay party at a friend's place (my first real gig).

Hope everyone is well
Jen
xxxx

Autism Obsessed

     Since finding out that Madd has autism, it seems to be all I blog about.
A lot of the reason for that is because dealing with it takes up more time than anything else in my life. But tonight I'm going to make a concerted effort to blog about the REST of my life.

     Cooper is 27 months old, and an absolute terror. He loves to climb up the drawers and onto the kitchen bench. He'll sit there and play with whatever happens to be on the bench. He loves to stuff his little cars and trucks into random socks. He is now speaking in 3 word sentences. He craves routine... can't put his bag in the backseat after creche, it must be in the boot because that's where it's always gone. At night, he watches In The Night Garden, then gets his "milk" and goes to bed. It's a great routine, calm and peaceful - and he responds well to it. He's about to go up to the next room at creche, he is moving up from the toddlers' room to the big-toddlers' room. I'm a little disappointed, because the staff in the toddlers' room are fantastic. Nothing against the staff in the bigger room, but I'm very familiar with the staff in his current room. But it's all part of growing up.

     Madd is covered in bruises at the moment. She's fallen off her bike a few times, fallen off her scooter, and been bumping into things. Her legs look awful, covered in bruises and scratches and grazes. But she's coping quite well. She went to bed on time tonight, which is massive! She was in bed by 7:30, and asleep almost immediately. She had a great time for Halloween - we always go down to Mum's place, since her whole neighbourhood love to do Halloween. She dressed up as a witch, and we painted her face green. She looked absolutely fantastic.

She had a great time, and was super-polite as always. She didn't say too many inappropriate things, and wasn't too forward. She did extremely well.
(please read this blog in regards to "scripting")

I, however, had high anxiety. I was freaking out about door-knocking with people who may not have been participating in Halloween. Fortunately for me, we ran into a few of the neighbours that I do know, so we went along with them.

I have only 2 weeks left of placement. I'm glad in one way - I'll get my free time back! But I'm devastated, because I really do like it there. Had a pretty crappy day today, I ended up coming home sick because my stomach got really upset for some reason. But overall I'm really liking it. I'm hoping to get a job there, even if it's just casual work. Otherwise I'll try and find some work next year once school goes back.

My new car is amazing. I know it's only an old car, but it runs really well - and it has the 2 things I really wanted; airconditioning and power steering. Madd loves it, and it's the perfect size. It's cheap on fuel, and... I just love it!

I'm selling Mary Kay makeup - I've never been a really girly-girl, and never bothered with makeup. But I love the colours, and the skincare is just magic. They have a peach hand set that's just amazing, it keeps my hands nice and soft even with me washing them 15 times a day. The best part is that the "hostess benefits" are sales-based, not party-bookings-based. So there's no pressure to get a certain number of friends to book parties from your party. And the prices are pretty reasonable. It's my latest love.

Ash is... Ash. Nothing much changes with him. I'm not looking forward to summer, when his work hours skyrocket and he's never home. But I'll survive, as always.

Hope you're all doing well, drop me a line :)

Fear and other emotions

     So today after class, her teacher approached me.
The first thing out of her mouth was "I know this is a small issue, but I thought you'd want to know."

Seriously?

Seriously???

This is a fantastic thing!!! The old school didn't even bother to tell me about major issues like her hiding in the playground instead of going into class. I am super-happy that the teacher has told me about today's issue, regardless of how small she thinks it is.

    Before school (in the few minutes between me dropping her off and class starting), she found a basketball on the basketball court and started playing with it. A bigger boy came up to her (he's a known school bully, and apparently quite a nasty kid) and said "That's my ball, give it to me NOW." Madd being Madd, wasn't intimidated at all, and said quite frankly, "No, I found it here and I'm playing with it."
They started pushing and shoving each other to get the ball. Teachers saw it, and intervened before any damage was done. It turned out the ball did belong to the boy, but there was no apparent reason for it being left on the court unattended.

    The teacher was quite worried, because the boy could have seriously hurt her. The teacher was surprised at Madd's tenacity, and said that most kids would have backed down and given the ball over if they were stood over by a much bigger kid.
As I explained to the teacher, that's all part of Madd. She doesn't have any immediate fear of people. She has no idea about giving people space, and wouldn't have thought to back down. Had the teacher not told me about it and dealt with Madd's feelings about it, I would have copped an afterschool meltdown. But the teacher recognised that Madd, despite not backing down, was feeling stressed - and she spoke with Madd at length.

Another example of how Madd's atypical behaviour can be dangerous to herself. If the boy had hit her, she would have hit him back. She never backs down.

Madd has made a couple of friends since she started at this school. She connected with one girl immediately - this girl N has been great with Madd. It's not often that Madd instantly bonds with someone.

The other kid is a boy who's a couple of years older than her - I'll call him B, for privacy reasons. B has severe Cerebral Palsy, and is in an electric wheelchair. He has lots of gadgets on his wheelchair, like buttons that can be pressed with his head to make his communication device speak for him. He can say "Hello" by pushing a button with his head. The teacher said Madd is very interested in the bits and pieces on his chair, and she's always chatting with him.

I'm glad that I've raised a kid who doesn't see a kid with a disability as "abnormal". To her, he's just another kid. She doesn't have "tolerance"... it's not about tolerating him. She doesn't seem to realise that not everyone is as accepting. But that stems right back to her coming with me to volunteer with Yooralla. I worked with an older Italian man who had Muscular Dystrophy. She used to chat away to him, and she got to understand quite a lot of what he said. She is also exceptionally good at lipreading, since I started chatting on video chat with a young guy who has an SCI (spinal chord injury). My mate with an SCI can't speak, so to chat with him you have to lipread him. Madd's become quite good at it.

So I'm very happy with her at the moment, she's been super-calm since the change in schools.


 

Explaining about autism

So.... We're sitting in the psychologist's waiting room. There's a little boy of about 4 who's desperate to play with Madd. MADD, however, is in a mood. She just wants to be left alone. She's not taking the toys he's playing with, but she won't share the ones she's playing with.

The mum and dad of the boy are lovely. The boy's mum is trying to encourage their son to leave Madd alone. I'm trying to convince Madd that she is being rude. Neither of us are having much luck.
So... Insert awkward smile and apology from them about their son who's climbing all over my legs while he plays in front of me, and my returned awkward smile and apologies for my kid's refusal to acknowledge their boy exists.

I realised it doesn't matter whether they know Madd is autistic. Because they're not judging her. Or me. And I'm not judging them. These 3 strangers have just taught me something... That not everyone judges my kid's behaviour, they don't give a fig about it. And I'm developing more understanding about what other families might be dealing with.

Yay for understanding.

Haircutting Dilemmas

    So today I noticed, while shopping at a different centre to usual, that a hair salon had a cheap price for haircuts today ($13.95). I looked at the ratty ends of Madd's hair - she had her hair cut in layers last haircut, and as it grows out it's getting very messy and ratty at the ends. So I asked Madd if she'd like to get a hair trim (expecting her to say no as usual), and she surprised me by saying yes!!

So off we went to the salon. We waited for about 10 minutes, and she chatted happily with no signs of anxiety. When it was her turn, she hopped up onto the seat. Usually I'd tell them how much she hates having her hair cut, but I decided not to this time. I figured I'd just see how she went.

It didn't go well.

Not because of my kid, but because of the hairdresser. She looked at Madd's hair, and said "I'm sorry, but I can't cut her hair today. She has nits."
I groaned, and explained to Madd that she had headlice and couldn't have her hair cut today. She didn't have a meltdown or get upset (although she did get an upset look on her face).

We went home, and treated her hair for lice. As I combed her hair out post-treatment, I was pulling out comb-fulls of......

Not eggs. Not lice.
Dandruff.

My first thought was "Crap. The eggs aren't coming out." But as I combed over her hair several thousand (not exaggerating here) more times, there was nothing coming out. And all I could see was dandruff.

All those days of not showering and weeks of refusing to wash her hair have taken their toll on her scalp. So I put her in the shower (forcibly, I had to pin her in the shower because she refused to shower - and with the de-lousing stuff in her hair she needed to wash it out and shampoo it), and washed her hair with anti-dandruff shampoo with antibacterial stuff in it too. So that should help.

So NEXT time I take her to the hairdresser, I must remember to warn them that she has dandruff and NOT lice.

Although I'll admit it was a relief that she didn't actually have lice.

Second Psych Session

    Another psych session done - the second appointment was all about Madd doing an IQ test. She hasn't finished it, she'll finish it next week- but from what the psych has seen, Madd is far beyond her years in some areas. So it will be interesting to see exactly what the IQ test shows. She has strengths in some areas, but she's behind in others.

     She's still happy at the new school, she was NOT impressed at me taking her out early today for her psych session. But at least there's only 3 more to go. Then we'll know exactly where her strengths and weaknesses lie, and where on the spectrum she is.

     It does make me think about her biological father - does autism run in his family? Would he have anything to contribute to Madd's life? Would he have been supportive, and understanding, or would he just not get it at all? Why did he walk away? How could you walk away from your own kid? Has anyone told him she has autism? Will he ever decide he wants to know her? And how will I feel if he ever does?

It doesn't help to delve back into the past, it brings more questions than answers.

One Week of School

   Madd's first week of school is done and dusted.
She has been made to feel so welcome, it's amazing how well she's adapted to the new school. She went around and met all the teachers. She's made friends.
     At her old school, she was told that she "wasn't allowed" to join the choir. Within a few days of being at the new school, she's joined their school choir. She is loving every second of school. If she doesn't finish her work, the teacher doesn't push her to finish it - because she knows that it totally stresses Madd out. As long as she knows that Madd knows how to do the work, it's no big deal. And the teacher can send work home if it really does need to be finished.

I'm super-happy at how the teacher just.... gets her. Without having to be educated, and without having to try. I'm super-happy that I don't have to stress about how her day has been, the teacher always makes time to speak to me about any issues or achievements that Madd has had during the day. She's more than happy to spend a few minutes chatting. She MAKES TIME for the kids in her class... and she's only the substitute teacher! I've heard great things about her regular teacher as well, so I'm really looking forward to seeing how her second week will go.

     She has her first school swimming lesson with the new school on Monday (must remember to pack her swimming gear!!!). With the way her behaviour was spiralling out of control at the old school, I wouldn't let her do the school swimming lessons this year. But now that she's totally settled and happy, I'm sure that there won't be any problems.

I had a great time catching up with a friend today (who, unfortunately wasn't very well), had a fantastic time - she's one of those people that you can go years and years without seeing and yet still find yourself slipping into a zone of comfort - you can talk about everything and anything, and laugh and joke. I'm hoping she'll come and stay for the weekend in a couple of weeks (she can't drive for medical reasons, so I'll go pick her up and bring her down for a couple of days). Hopefully she's feeling better soon.

Anyways, I better stop rabbiting on about stuff, and get to bed! Good night all :)

Psychologists and Confirmation

      Madd had her first psychologist appointment today. There's a few more before we receive her official diagnosis, but the psychologist says she DEFINITELY falls somewhere on the autism spectrum.
I wouldn't say that I'm happy that she has a disability, but I am very very glad that it's not all in my head. Not that I thought that there was a chance of that, but there was always doubt that they'd be able to see what I see.

The signs of autism in Madd can be very very subtle to other people. So I'm relieved that after only 45 minutes the psych could see the real Madd.

Unfortunately we still have another 5 weeks til diagnosis. Now that I know for SURE that she's on the spectrum, it's just a matter of time until we find out exactly where she is and what she'll need support with. Oh, and she has ADHD too - apparently she's very very hyperactive.

So we are now one giant leap closer to D-Day ... diagnosis day.

Autism Playdate

    Today I did something that was completely out of my comfort zone. I went to a place I've never been before to see people I'd never met, in a group. A LONG way out of my comfort zone.

I had a great time. It was at a fully-fenced primary school with 12-ft fences and high locks. The kids had an absolute ball - it's the first time Cooper's been able to go off and play without me worrying and keeping my eyes on him all the time. I spent the first hour being paranoid because I couldn't see him, and after I'd done a full lap of the school, I stopped worrying and started enjoying myself.

I met a few lovely ladies, and some awesome kids too. Madd didn't get into any fights or arguments, and really enjoyed herself. She was exhausted and happy to leave by the end of it, but she was in a happy mood for the entire afternoon and night, AND went to bed when she was asked!!! Miracles all round.
For once, there were no mean kids picking on her, or telling her that she's weird. She fit right in, and had a great time. All the kids were lovely to her, and I'm really really grateful. VERY glad that we went.

I enjoyed having a chat to the mums, especially L who had a boy and a girl, and P who had a boy and two girls, and M who had 2 girls. All the kids were lovely, and amazing kids.
The day went without a hitch - only a few minor meltdowns from the kids, which is pretty darn good! My kid went the entire day without a single meltdown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *happy dance*
Although, when we got home she spent 3 hours straight watching TV (her anti-social chillax-time, which was well deserved after she was so fantastic today). I can't remember the last time her anxiety was so low - it's a nice feeling to be accepted and have nice kids around, I guess.

I'm super-glad that we went - it's nice to have a chat to other parents who "get it". Who don't judge your kid and say "Are you sure she's autistic?" or "But she seems so normal"... people who get that what they see isn't the whole picture. And all the ladies were lovely and down-to-earth. I've never felt more at ease around people. I felt comfortable, which NEVER happens around people I don't know!!

Can't wait for the next get-together.

Yet Another Surprising Day

    The last few days have been full-on.
It was my birthday on Tuesday, so I went out shopping with Mum for the day, and then went down to Mum's until late this morning. The kids were a nightmare; Cooper is teething, Madd's being challenging, and I have had bugger-all sleep. Coop decided, on Wednesday morning, that it was a great idea to get up at 4:45am, and refused to go back to sleep until around 11am - he then slept for 3 1/2 hours straight. Fortunately this morning it was a 7am start.

     Coop has been on Nurofen the last few days - he started hitting himself in the head and screaming, so I took that to mean that he had a pretty bad headache. He seemed so much better after Nurofen, but then he was extremely hyperactive and moody. He was hitting, kicking, and being generally difficult. So I'm kinda glad to be home where he's more comfortable (not to mention Ash being here too!).

     Madd's been pretty quiet since we got back, but happy. We took the kids and the dog to the park today - Madd rode her bike (the way-too-small one that she's comfortable riding, she won't ride anything bigger), Cooper ran (and I mean RAN the entire lap of the huge park).  We got back, had dinner, and then the kids went off to Madd's room to play.

B I G    mistake.

     Ash went in to get Cooper to put him to bed.
"Jen, can you come here?" I hear him yell down the hallway. Uh oh.

I go in, and Madd has decided to run her Blustik (glue stick that's blue) over every inch of her desk AND her desk chair. Crap crap crap.
I knew that telling her off would do absolutely nothing. So I did the only thing I could think of doing - I reached for the toys I spotted first - her Barbies... I snapped 3 of her Barbies in half, saying "If you treat your things like crap, we will too." I picked the not-real-Barbie ones, since the Barbie ones are better quality.
She burst into tears - REAL tears, not the hysterical ones of frustration. I think I may have actually got through to her this time.

I set her up with a bowl of warm water and a Chux, she's now scrubbing the glue off the desk. I don't really care if it takes her all night - she needs to feel the consequences of what she does.

Thank you, readers

    Tonight I received some feedback about my blog - I've had a few people say they really enjoy reading it. I'm glad. I never know whether my blog is interesting or not, so it's nice to hear that at least a few people are reading it.

Writing a blog takes a lot of guts - anything that you blog about can be used in the real world against you. Everything I write on here can change people's views about me. I write about my depression, about Madd's issues and provisional diagnosis of Aspergers and ADHD. About any issues or challenges I'm facing, as well as the happy times. I only write when I really feel like it, if I don't write every day it's because I don't feel I have anything to say.

I write about things that most people wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with everyone. I feel that depression is something that needs to be talked about, because if there's a stigma against it no one will seek help when they really do need it. I have been condemned for needing medication, I've been told that it's "evil", and that I shouldn't take it. It doesn't work for everyone, but it does work wonders for me. I'm more rational, and less manic (no big ups and downs). I recently wrote about menstrual cups, a topic that VERY few people would want to talk about! But I believe that more women should know about how amazing they are.

I'm going to do a blog entry on hair removal next, I think (shaving, waxing, sanding, etc), which will hopefully be informative and helpful for some.

So for those who have given me feedback, thank you. Good or bad, it's all appreciated.

 xxx

Jen

Pimples in the nose HURT!

   So Madd has been complaining about a sore nose for a few days. She's been going on and on about it, and we looked and couldn't see anything on the outside or inside. So we just put it down to her being a pain.
WRONG.

Today I looked in her nose, and nearly fell over - MASSIVE pimple in her nose. It was the biggest pimple I've ever seen, and I've had a lot of pimples in my nearly-29 (next Tuesday!) years. So I said to Madd that we needed to pop it. The easiest and least painful way is to prick the white tip with a pin, and drain out the pus and blood. That releases the pressure and stops it from hurting. So naturally, Madd being Madd, completely flipped out.

I said we could do it gently without the pin, but she would NOT let me near it. And so I figured, instead of waiting for it to pop by itself and having her in pain with it for a few more days, that I'd pin her down and pop it. I don't know what I'm going to do with her when she's older, because she's very very strong. Fortunately, I'm very stubborn and there was no way I was going to let her get away without me popping it. So I pinned her down on the floor and popped it with the pin. She was screaming the whole time, but stopped when she realised I'd popped it without her feeling a thing.

The bad part? So much pus!!! I didn't realise that much pus could come out of one pimple. I really didn't want it going down the back of her nose, so I tried to use a tissue (while pinning her arms down and her head still) to drain the rest out.4 tissues later, the pus was finally out. It didn't bleed all that much, but there was so much pus!! Really really gross, and not what I'd planned on doing today. But, it was all worth it because now she's calm and happy and her nose doesn't hurt any more.

Another fun day in the House of Little Horrors :)

Hello to new school, goodbye to old school

    Madd had her orientation at the new school yesterday morning from 8:45am until 11:15am. She got to meet some really nice kids in her class, one girl in particular. She keeps talking about this one kid like she's known her for years. So it's nice to see that she's made a friend already.

     I took Madd for a McDonalds lunch between visiting the new school and her last afternoon at the old school. When I dropped her off to the old school, the teacher's first comment was "Oh, she's out of uniform". I didn't want to alienate her at the new school by having her old uniform on, and the new school had an out of uniform day. And I didn't see the point in getting her changed for 2 1/2 hours of old-school. So she went out of uniform. Her teacher has always been very condescending toward me, and it frustrates the hell out of me. I'm sorry that this teacher was her last experience at the old school - unfortunately Madd's changing schools happened while her regular teacher was away on holiday. I'll have to make sure I take her back to the old school to say goodbye to her regular teacher.

     Madd's new teacher is very nice - she seemed quite interested in everything I could tell her about Madd. So I'm really happy about the new school, and I really feel like we've made the right decision. I'm very glad that she's so happy to go to the new school, after so many months of school refusal at the old school.

Today we went out to Ballarat to visit my youngest sister and her 3 kids. The kids had a great time playing together, and it was nice to see her and the kids again. I don't see them as often as I'd like, and we only stayed for a few hours - but I knew Madd wouldn't last much longer than that without having a meltdown. We managed to survive the whole day without a major meltdown, only one little tantrum that was easily averted.

On the down-side, when we got back home I realised she has another stye in the same eye but the top eyelid this time. It burst with her rubbing it so much, so hopefully it'll stay gone. Lots of blood and pus, and her eye is very swollen. I'm hoping it goes away on its own, because she's staying with Mum the next few days. Tuesday night I pick her up, and then Wednesday taking Madd and Kayla to the Royal Melbourne Show.

Should be a good school holidays :)

Birthday Excursion for Madd

    So Madd is off to Puffing Billy tomorrow with a friend. I'm very nervous about sending her by herself without me - the parents are good family friends, so I trust them more than most with my kids. But... it's Madd. She's really looking forward to going, and I'll enjoy the break from her; but I'm nervous.

I'm not sure what I'm worried about.
She could go missing - well, that's not a huge deal. She'd turn up eventually.
She could have a meltdown - the parents have seen Madd in full meltdown mode, and know how to handle her.
She could get anxious and upset - well she probably won't let it out until she gets home, in which case it's not a catastrophe.

I don't know what I'm concerned about - she'll be fine, I know she will.
I guess I'm most worried that she could go missing - it wouldn't be the first time. But she's turned up every time. I'll have to keep extra busy tomorrow so that I don't think about it!

Eye drops and Aspergers

      So Madd had a stye, and it's now burst. The doctor gave her a script for eye drops, which have to be administered every 3 hours *sigh*
So I've taken the week off to stay home and go to the school twice a day at 12 and 3 and put the eye drops in.  I have to pin her down, because she won't voluntarily take them. I tried to reason with her, and get her to let me put them in, but even with a teachers' assistant talking to her, she wouldn't do it. So I took her into the empty staff room and pinned her on the floor and put the drops in.

      As I carried Madd back to class from the staff room (she clung to me, and so I comforted her by carrying her down to the classroom), she calmed down. As we entered the classroom, her teacher pipes up and says, "Oh, you've got a baby there", meaning that Madd was being a baby. I'm really angry at that stupid, thoughtless comment. I have a hard enough time getting her to do what needs to be done, and when she shows emotion I'm not going to call her a baby. I am extremely angry right now.

Will be interesting to see how we go with the eye drops at 3pm. School doesn't finish til 3:30, and then she's going to afterschool care - I'm trying to keep as much routine as I can during the next 2 weeks before she changes schools. I'm not going to my class tonight, since there's no way Mum will be able to administer the eye drops.  At least my teacher is okay about it. It's one of those times I'm glad I don't have a job, because if I was missing this much paid work I'd be getting in trouble.

Welcome back, Happiness

    It occurred to me today, while having coffee with a friend, that I'm happy again.
After only a short few weeks of being back on medication for my depression, I'm much much happier. It's not happened all of a sudden, but it's only really sunk in today. The last few times I've visited this particular friend, I've felt very depressed and like the world is caving in on me. Which with Madd's upcoming diagnosis of Aspergers or Autism, her being bullied at school, pressures of study, 3 days a week of placement, AND an ill-tempered 2 year old, it's not surprising that life's been getting to me. I'm glad that I was able to recognise the signs of my mental demise, and act. So many people out there with depression can't or won't admit they need help, and it's a real shame - because the results are fantastic when you seek help!

    Admittedly, I haven't been to placement in 2 weeks. After having this coming week off, it will be 3 weeks. Unfortunately, with placement being unpaid work and us having bills and rent to pay (not to mention saving for a second car), Ash can't afford to take time off. So again I miss placement. Madd has a stye (an eye infection), so she has to have eye drops every 3 hours. Since the school can't legally pin her down and administer them, she'll have to stay home so that I can do it. She refuses to take them, she just panicks and totally freaks out. So I sit on her, pinning her arms by her side. Then I clamp her head and administer the eye drops. Then I get off her and leave her to melt down. She does eventually calm down; about 2 minutes after the eye drops are in, she'll sit and cuddle me. Then she goes back to whatever she was doing. She's not thrilled about the eye drops, but the doctor explained to her that if she doesn't take them (and the antibiotics), she'll be put into hospital and have an IV drip in her arm. She doesn't like that idea. So, although she fights for the eye drops not to be done, she's well aware of what will happen if she doesn't.

    So this week will be spent with me trying to get Madd to get some maths and english work done in the workbooks we have here. She's not going to sit around and watch TV all day just because of a sore eye. She still has to learn something while she's home.

I feel bad for missing 3 weeks of placement, but at the end of the day it's unpaid experience; and I'm there to learn; since I'm not employed, I'm not really letting them down. I'm looking forward to going back, but I've also been extremely busy with my time off; dealing with a toddler with a cold for almost 2 weeks, then me being sick, now Madd's eye issues. Having a really bad run at the moment, but I'm coping quite well.

THANK YOU, Zoloft, for saving my sanity.

Product Review - Lunette Menstrual Cup

For those guys who were silly enough to click on this post, seriously - for your own good, don't read any further.



 I absolutely HATE having my period. It's icky, and I always leak. So when I first discovered menstrual cups a few days ago, I started researching them.
I couldn't find any bad reviews - there wasn't a single person who's tried them that didn't keep using them. And no one seemed to have anything really bad to say about them.

     So I took a chance and ordered one online. I chose the Lunette menstrual cup, based on the fact it was under $50. It seemed like a good one, so I went with it. I paid extra for Express Post, and it arrived the very next day - very impressive.

    The product itself is... interesting.
The reviews seemed to indicate that it's trickier to remove it than insert it. So I tried it.
I ended up having to cut the stem off right at the bottom, because it dug into my lady parts. Once I removed the stem, it feels much better. Not exactly comfortable, but I'm sure I'll get used to it. The suction works quite well, and not too hard to get it out either. Seems to be a much better alternative to pads or tampons.

After 24 hours of having the cup, I can happily blog about it and say it's amazing. I would recommend it to EVERYONE!! For the first time, I woke up comfortable in the morning. There was no rush to get up and get changed, and no leakage!

I ended up turning the cup inside-out after I cut off the stem. No discomfort, I barely notice that the thing is in there. Very very happy with my purchase!

Depression and Women's Business

     Well I haven't been myself for quite awhile. With Madd's upcoming diagnosis next month, and being bullied at placement, the massive workload at TAFE and dealing with a tantruming 2 year old and a melting-down 6 year old who is about to change schools, I've been very stressed and anxious. I hadn't realised just how depressed I'd been until I started thinking about getting in the car and leaving. Then I realised I couldn't do that, and the suicidal thoughts started. THAT was when I decided that I needed help.

     So I went to one of my 2 usual doctors clinics. Apparently THAT one didn't have any record of my depression or medication. I went in there feeling suicidal and bawling my eyes out and asking for medication, and the doctor stone-faced told me there was nothing he could do and I had to fill out a questionnaire and come back in a week. So... I left feeling extremely angry. Truth be told, I function much better on anger than depression. So I made an appointment with my OTHER usual clinic, and got the medication and a referral to see a psychologist. The same one I saw after I had Coop, since I figured she knows me already and that should speed up the process of figuring out how to help me help myself.

     So, after nearly 2 weeks of being on medication, I haven't forgotten a single dose - I've done really really well. And, although my sex drive and brain function has dropped (very well-known side-effects of the medication), I'm functioning a lot better. I have a lot of "stupid moments" where I say or do something that makes people go "what is wrong with you??". But overall, I feel better. Even with having a cold, being home for 2 weeks with a sick toddler, and dealing with Madd's meltdowns because she doesn't want to go to school, I'm feeling pretty darn good.

     ALRIGHT GUYS - if you're a guy, stop reading here. SERIOUSLY. Don't read any further! Womens Business!






     I HATE having my period. When ToM (Time of the Month) comes to visit, I'm a bitch. I hate dealing with it, and the leakage that always happens no matter how many pads/tampons you use.
So after reading up on menstrual cups, I've decided to buy one. It's made of silicon, and the idea is that when you push it up into your lady parts, it forms a seal and catches all the blood. Then you empty it (about every 12 hours), and reinsert it and go again for the next 12 hours. I'm looking forward to seeing if it works.
Apparently putting it IN is quite easy. Taking it OUT, however, is apparently quite tricky since you need to break the seal that holds it in. I will post an update after it's arrived and I've tried it out - for those of you who hate tampons and pads and all that "stuff", I'd recommend you try a cup. There's not a single person I've found who's been brave enough to try it and hasn't kept using it. They're well worth it. Not to mention a LOT cheaper. A $50 cup will last you years, instead of $10-$20 per month on pads and tampons. And it's the "green" option. Very hippy of me, but we'll see how we go :)