Clear As Mud

   So I know that I can be as clear as mud sometimes. I'm not very good at verbalising what I'm trying to say. But I AM very good at writing it down. So here goes....

    I love my kids. I'm glad I have them. But I don't want any more. Not because my body hates pregnancy. Not because we can't afford it. Not because I don't love the ones I have. But because I need to know that I can have enough time and energy to focus on my kids. I'm happy with the 2 we have, but there won't be any more.

    I don't want to move Madd's school. I want the school to step up and realise that Madd has unique needs, and with a few very-small changes she could do really well. But I am open to the possibility of moving Madd's school if the school doesn't step up.

    I want a second car. Not because we "need" it. I need it. I need to know that, at any time, I have a car here. If one of the kids falls over and we need to get to the hospital, I need to know that there's a car we can jump in to get there. I need to have that freedom.

     I want to work in the field of disability. Not because "it's hard work but I can do it", or because I am good at it. I want to do it because I enjoy helping people. I enjoy working with people with disabilities - in a general sense, they're friendly and honest people who don't judge things that you do or say. And they don't expect you to be perfect, and they expect you to understand that they're not either. They want to be treated like equals, and I want that too.

    I am very bad at verbalising my thoughts. I'm extremely good at typing them. I remember word-for-word what people say, but I don't hear the "subtle" parts. If someone really isn't up for a visitor and they say "Oh, I'm not well and I wouldn't be much company"... that doesn't work for me. Saying "I'm not well so I'd rather we rescheduled?" That works really really well. I like honesty. Honesty I can understand, I'm not great at subtle.

    I've just finished the Fifty Shades books. Loved every word. Because every little thing is explained in detail. Every hesitation of the character, what they're thinking and feeling - all laid out clearly. I like that in a book. Plus the fact it's literotica kinda makes it that bit more entertaining.

So... that's my pensive thoughts for the day.