I know, not a very catchy blog title.
Anxiety, depression, bullying, autism and everything else.
Anxiety depression and bullying all relate to me. I have major anxiety at the moment, to the point that I had a panic attack on Thursday because I didn't want to face the bullying that I'm copping at placement at the moment.
There's a lady at the place I'm doing my TAFE placement who is giving me a hard time. Not to my face, mind you - behind my back. This is bullying of the WORST kind. She has said things in a staff meeting about me, complete and utter lies. Saying that I was being "unprofessional" (I won't give more detail, it's insulting). So I'm quite upset. She also put me in a position that could have injured a client or myself, because she asked me to do something that she was well aware of me not knowing how to do. Then when she was questioned by another staff member, she rudely replied that she was coming back to help me. It was quite clear to both myself and the other staff member that she wasn't.
So between that and the lies she's spreading about me, I'm feeling very stressed. I know that her opinion and lies don't mean anything, and it shouldn't be getting to me.
But with my history of depression, it's getting to me quite a lot.
But I think the main reason I'm having issues with it more than I should be is because I don't understand why she's doing it. I mean, I don't know her. I've never met her before. I haven't done anything wrong, or been rude to her, or done ANYTHING that could have upset or angered her.
So I'm having panic attacks now. I don't even get PAID for placement, it's all volunteer time for my course. Because the lies about me were told at a staff meeting (I obviously wasn't at that meeting because I'm not paid staff), I shouldn't know about them. A few people in the meeting were concerned about me, I haven't been looking "happy" at work, I've looked pretty miserable some days apparently, even though I've tried to look happy despite everything that's going on. So they told me what had been said in the meeting.
Since then, I haven't been handling things very well. I think it's because things have been said about me to the WHOLE STAFF that I wasn't aware of. The fact that the boss didn't call me into the office to speak to me means that the boss either doesn't believe this woman or doesn't think it's a big deal.
I reported the safety incident to the boss last week. I actually reported the "gossip" incident too, but I'm not sure if it was before or after the staff meeting. Making sure I'm covering my own butt here, because I know I've done nothing wrong.
So I'm off to the doctors this week to see if I can get something to help with the anxiety. I can't handle it any more, and it's starting to really affect me.
Madd has a curriculum day off school tomorrow. She had a late night on Friday night. She was MEANT to have a sleepover with a girl at our place on Saturday night, but I cancelled. She spent the whole weekend melting down over one thing after the other. She's at Mum's tonight since there's no school tomorrow and I have placement. I'm dreading going back to placement, I get extremely anxious and start to panic every time I think about it.
So... life isn't very easy right now. Can't do much about anything that's going on, but I just needed to vent.
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