Sometimes when I'm sitting at home on a Friday or Saturday night, and the kids are both asleep in bed, I wish that I could go out. I feel like I'm missing out on ME time, missing out on having a life.
Then I realise, that the kids ARE my life. I'm still me, despite having to change so much to be a better person for the kids. I look back at everything that I've been through and experienced in the last 15 years, and I realise that I AM missing out on things. I'm missing out on all the adventures I used to have.
But do I really want to go back to that?
I did a lot of stupid things when I was younger (and I mean a LOT of stupid things!). So I guess it was time to settle down. When I think about going back to my before-kids life, I realise all the things that could have gone wrong. It's a miracle that they didn't! It's a miracle that I'm alive, healthy and in one piece!
So soon I'm going to embrace normalcy, and adulthood along with it.
Not quite ready to yet though. Maybe after this year. I'm enjoying being me at the moment, whoever me happens to be.
Saturday 30 June 2012
Thursday 28 June 2012
Holidays are a'coming
Last day of school term today. HOORAY!! I'm looking forward to it, because we're going away these holidays. We have a friend house-sitting and feeding the dog, We are catching a ferry from the mainland to Tasmania, and we're going to have a great time.
Miss Maddison has been given a school holidays assignment: Research a mode of transport and make a human-sized model that you can fit into.
She's picked the ferry - so we have an opportunity to teach her some stuff while we're on holiday. We're also doing a farm stay, so the kids will have heaps of fun while we're doing that. Then we're off to see the rest of Tassie, including the snow.
Since I put Madd on Incremin (vitamin and iron liquid supplement), I can't believe her change in behaviour at home. It's amazing stuff. She's quite willing about taking it most days, even though it tastes awful. She follows it up with a cup of milk and Milo. She's been amazing lately. She still has "moments" of uncooperativeness, but much less than before.... as long as she's had her Incremin. Pre-Incremin, she's still a handful. But within an hour of taking it, she's wonderful again. No idea how it works, but it does.
So enjoy your term-break, everyone. We will :)
Miss Maddison has been given a school holidays assignment: Research a mode of transport and make a human-sized model that you can fit into.
She's picked the ferry - so we have an opportunity to teach her some stuff while we're on holiday. We're also doing a farm stay, so the kids will have heaps of fun while we're doing that. Then we're off to see the rest of Tassie, including the snow.
Since I put Madd on Incremin (vitamin and iron liquid supplement), I can't believe her change in behaviour at home. It's amazing stuff. She's quite willing about taking it most days, even though it tastes awful. She follows it up with a cup of milk and Milo. She's been amazing lately. She still has "moments" of uncooperativeness, but much less than before.... as long as she's had her Incremin. Pre-Incremin, she's still a handful. But within an hour of taking it, she's wonderful again. No idea how it works, but it does.
So enjoy your term-break, everyone. We will :)
Tuesday 26 June 2012
Changes in Life
Really enjoying life right now.
The Fiancee has his licence now, and today he took the car; leaving Coopman and I at home without a car. I enjoyed it, because instead of going down to the shops for milk like I would normally have done, I didn't just "duck out to the shops".... I stayed home and stayed busy. It was strange to not just randomly go out at will, but it's been nice and stress-free.
Both kids were in bed by 730 tonight. Coop went to bed at 630, Madd was asleep by 730. I got to sit and watch TV, eat ice cream, have some ME time, and get some work on my TAFE assessments done. And chat to my cousin. And watch MORE tv :)
I'm very much enjoying that I don't have an option to go out because I don't have the car. It means that I can't go shopping, and spend money that I shouldn't be spending. It's saving us money, although we will have to fork out for a second car when we get back from holidays.
We're going to get a station wagon. We were looking at getting a Kia Carnival, or any sort of 7 seater really. But they're too expensive in comparison to a wagon. And since we're not planning any more kids, we really don't need the extra seats enough to warrant spending extra money.
Not long now til our family holiday begins, and just after we get back Madd is at the Paediatrician's.
Not sure which I'm looking forward to more - getting answers for Madd, or the family chill-out time.
We're doing a farm stay for the first 4 days, which should be good. Madd can bring the eggs in from the henhouse, and a whole bunch of other stuff. It's MUCH cheaper in Winter too, it's only $105 per night. Then we have 2 days in the next place, and 4 days in Hobart before we come home again.
Not sure if my brother will destroy the house while we're gone - he has a mild intellectual disability, so his self-care skills aren't all that crash-hot. He's capable of not burning the place down, and feeding the dog every night - won't be so great at remembering the tuna that's been in the fridge for 3 weeks, or remembering to wash his clothes, or remembering to take his shoes off before he trekks mud all over the carpet, or washing the dishes. But it's better than leaving the place unattended while we're gone. We have a friend coming to check on him, the dog and the house, so it's in good hands.
The Fiancee has his licence now, and today he took the car; leaving Coopman and I at home without a car. I enjoyed it, because instead of going down to the shops for milk like I would normally have done, I didn't just "duck out to the shops".... I stayed home and stayed busy. It was strange to not just randomly go out at will, but it's been nice and stress-free.
Both kids were in bed by 730 tonight. Coop went to bed at 630, Madd was asleep by 730. I got to sit and watch TV, eat ice cream, have some ME time, and get some work on my TAFE assessments done. And chat to my cousin. And watch MORE tv :)
I'm very much enjoying that I don't have an option to go out because I don't have the car. It means that I can't go shopping, and spend money that I shouldn't be spending. It's saving us money, although we will have to fork out for a second car when we get back from holidays.
We're going to get a station wagon. We were looking at getting a Kia Carnival, or any sort of 7 seater really. But they're too expensive in comparison to a wagon. And since we're not planning any more kids, we really don't need the extra seats enough to warrant spending extra money.
Not long now til our family holiday begins, and just after we get back Madd is at the Paediatrician's.
Not sure which I'm looking forward to more - getting answers for Madd, or the family chill-out time.
We're doing a farm stay for the first 4 days, which should be good. Madd can bring the eggs in from the henhouse, and a whole bunch of other stuff. It's MUCH cheaper in Winter too, it's only $105 per night. Then we have 2 days in the next place, and 4 days in Hobart before we come home again.
Not sure if my brother will destroy the house while we're gone - he has a mild intellectual disability, so his self-care skills aren't all that crash-hot. He's capable of not burning the place down, and feeding the dog every night - won't be so great at remembering the tuna that's been in the fridge for 3 weeks, or remembering to wash his clothes, or remembering to take his shoes off before he trekks mud all over the carpet, or washing the dishes. But it's better than leaving the place unattended while we're gone. We have a friend coming to check on him, the dog and the house, so it's in good hands.
Tuesday 19 June 2012
A Fantastic Day
Today's post is actually NOT kid-related.
My fiancee finally got his licence!!
He's in his mid thirties, and today he went for his licence and got it! I'm thrilled. Today he's taken Master Cooper, and is picking up Miss Maddiosn from school. He's also dropping one of her friends home. So he gets to share in the wonderful world that is school pickup time: hanging around for 45 minutes JUST so you can get a carpark that's remotely near the school. He gets to deal with the after-school meltdowns, and the terrible toddler who does NOT want to sit in the car and wait for school to finish. Who WON'T sit in the pram happily any more, he can actually unstrap himself and climb out now.
Meanwhile, I did the vacuuming, but I've pretty much been sitting and catching up on all my recorded TV shows. I'm thrilled that I actually have the OPTION of staying home instead of always being the taxi.
Today, I've been very productive. A batch of cupcakes, a loaf of bread, and a slow-cooked silverside on its way to being ready for dinner. I've vacuumed. We've taken Coopman out to McDonalds for lunch to check out the new playground they've put in. I've done some dishes.
And my fiancee has just sent me a photo of Coopman playing at the park. It's a nice feeling to know that my kids are spending quality time with their Daddy, and that I don't always have to be there! THANK YOU, dear fiancee for getting your licence :)
My fiancee finally got his licence!!
He's in his mid thirties, and today he went for his licence and got it! I'm thrilled. Today he's taken Master Cooper, and is picking up Miss Maddiosn from school. He's also dropping one of her friends home. So he gets to share in the wonderful world that is school pickup time: hanging around for 45 minutes JUST so you can get a carpark that's remotely near the school. He gets to deal with the after-school meltdowns, and the terrible toddler who does NOT want to sit in the car and wait for school to finish. Who WON'T sit in the pram happily any more, he can actually unstrap himself and climb out now.
Meanwhile, I did the vacuuming, but I've pretty much been sitting and catching up on all my recorded TV shows. I'm thrilled that I actually have the OPTION of staying home instead of always being the taxi.
Today, I've been very productive. A batch of cupcakes, a loaf of bread, and a slow-cooked silverside on its way to being ready for dinner. I've vacuumed. We've taken Coopman out to McDonalds for lunch to check out the new playground they've put in. I've done some dishes.
And my fiancee has just sent me a photo of Coopman playing at the park. It's a nice feeling to know that my kids are spending quality time with their Daddy, and that I don't always have to be there! THANK YOU, dear fiancee for getting your licence :)
Wednesday 13 June 2012
Holding onto sanity for dear life
I had respite over the weekend. My in-laws asked if they could have both kids for a couple of days over the long weekend. It was all I could do to not throw the kids at them and say "Are you sure you wouldn't like them for a few weeks or months?"
They spent Saturday and Sunday night there, and I picked them up after lunch on Monday. I spent most of my time down at Mum and Dad's working on my TAFE assessments and relaxing watching movies and knitting. I enjoyed every second of it. I was happy to pick them up at the end of the 2 days, but I really did enjoy my time.
Straight after picking the kids up, we headed to the restaurant to have dinner with Ash - I figured the kids hadn't seen him in a couple of days, so it would be nice for them to catch up with him.
I was wrong.
Within 30 seconds, she was disobeying me. She stood near the bar, and I called her over to sit down. She was in the way of staff getting through, which was why I'd asked her to move. She ignored me the first 10 times. Then I got closer, and repeated my calling her name. "MADDISON!!" She didn't look at me, but got that evil grin she gets when she's ignoring me because she doesn't want to hear me.
So we left. I told her that, since she wasn't going to listen to me, we were going to go home. She screamed and carried on the whole way back to the car. The screaming and kicking got so bad that I ended up having to pull the car over and get her out of the car. I locked Coop int he car, and sat her on the grass. She proceeded to scream for another 20 minutes before she was calm enough to get in the car. The meltdown continued on for just under an hour in total, all because we didn't have "dinner with Daddy" like I said we would. Miss I-Can't-Handle-Change again :/
Tuesday was a relatively calm day for her, a couple of minor issues but nothing serious. No major screaming issues or anything.
Today is another story.
Picked her up from school, no issues getting back to the car. VERY hyperactive, but that's not all that unordinary for our Maddison. She was literally bouncing off the walls when we got home, she decided to do her running-down-the-hallway-and-bash-into-things trick. I put Coop in his room to keep him out the way, otherwise he gets bowled over. She started screaming at me because I said NO to using a permanent marker to write with. This carried on for about two hours. Fed her dinner, which she was fine with eating. I put a movie on for her, and she calmed right down.
As I was putting her to bed (without any fuss: I'm starting to wonder if the Incremin I've put her on is doing that - it was recommended by a friend, and it's a vitamin supplement), I noticed her list of spelling words on her desk in her room. I'd asked her not to write on the list, and not even half an hour later, she'd scribbled all over it.
It's hard to say whether she'd done it out of defiance, or whether she'd just done it because she could.
It's frustrating. She has now had her textas pencils and paints taken off her for a week. It's like a compulsion - she tears paper up as well.... she'd put 3 ticks next to each word. It's like a compulsion.
I've just about had enough of her meltdowns and tantrums. I just want to know how to handle her.
I'm scared at the moment. Scared that the paediatrician will say "she's fine" and not do any tests or anything. I'm not about to let that happen, but I don't like the idea of waiting another 2-3 months to get into another paediatrician. My worst fear is that they'll find that nothing is "wrong" with her, and that it's just bad parenting. I know that I'm being silly, and that there is something going on with my child. But I have my mum telling me "she's a normal kid", and the school telling me "there's a problem, but hey: we're wiping our hands of her, sort it out yourself". I KNOW there is something going on with her.
I just want answers. I want to know how to help her, before I go completely insane.
They spent Saturday and Sunday night there, and I picked them up after lunch on Monday. I spent most of my time down at Mum and Dad's working on my TAFE assessments and relaxing watching movies and knitting. I enjoyed every second of it. I was happy to pick them up at the end of the 2 days, but I really did enjoy my time.
Straight after picking the kids up, we headed to the restaurant to have dinner with Ash - I figured the kids hadn't seen him in a couple of days, so it would be nice for them to catch up with him.
I was wrong.
Within 30 seconds, she was disobeying me. She stood near the bar, and I called her over to sit down. She was in the way of staff getting through, which was why I'd asked her to move. She ignored me the first 10 times. Then I got closer, and repeated my calling her name. "MADDISON!!" She didn't look at me, but got that evil grin she gets when she's ignoring me because she doesn't want to hear me.
So we left. I told her that, since she wasn't going to listen to me, we were going to go home. She screamed and carried on the whole way back to the car. The screaming and kicking got so bad that I ended up having to pull the car over and get her out of the car. I locked Coop int he car, and sat her on the grass. She proceeded to scream for another 20 minutes before she was calm enough to get in the car. The meltdown continued on for just under an hour in total, all because we didn't have "dinner with Daddy" like I said we would. Miss I-Can't-Handle-Change again :/
Tuesday was a relatively calm day for her, a couple of minor issues but nothing serious. No major screaming issues or anything.
Today is another story.
Picked her up from school, no issues getting back to the car. VERY hyperactive, but that's not all that unordinary for our Maddison. She was literally bouncing off the walls when we got home, she decided to do her running-down-the-hallway-and-bash-into-things trick. I put Coop in his room to keep him out the way, otherwise he gets bowled over. She started screaming at me because I said NO to using a permanent marker to write with. This carried on for about two hours. Fed her dinner, which she was fine with eating. I put a movie on for her, and she calmed right down.
As I was putting her to bed (without any fuss: I'm starting to wonder if the Incremin I've put her on is doing that - it was recommended by a friend, and it's a vitamin supplement), I noticed her list of spelling words on her desk in her room. I'd asked her not to write on the list, and not even half an hour later, she'd scribbled all over it.
It's hard to say whether she'd done it out of defiance, or whether she'd just done it because she could.
It's frustrating. She has now had her textas pencils and paints taken off her for a week. It's like a compulsion - she tears paper up as well.... she'd put 3 ticks next to each word. It's like a compulsion.
I've just about had enough of her meltdowns and tantrums. I just want to know how to handle her.
I'm scared at the moment. Scared that the paediatrician will say "she's fine" and not do any tests or anything. I'm not about to let that happen, but I don't like the idea of waiting another 2-3 months to get into another paediatrician. My worst fear is that they'll find that nothing is "wrong" with her, and that it's just bad parenting. I know that I'm being silly, and that there is something going on with my child. But I have my mum telling me "she's a normal kid", and the school telling me "there's a problem, but hey: we're wiping our hands of her, sort it out yourself". I KNOW there is something going on with her.
I just want answers. I want to know how to help her, before I go completely insane.
Monday 4 June 2012
Tantrums vs Meltdowns - the truth
I've been wondering how to spot the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown.
Today I found out.
Picked Miss Maddison up from school, and she started screaming at me in defiance because I'd asked her to fold down her umbrella. She didn't want to. She started carrying on and sooking. So I started to walk toward the car. She began her banshee-screaming, and this time I just ignored it. I kept walking. I stopped and waited for her to catch up, then I continued on walking toward the car.
We finally reached the car, and I put Coopman in the car. She was still screaming, so I stood next to the car. I physically sat her on the ground, and said, "We're not leaving until you calm down."
20 minutes later, she stopped screaming, and just started making these silly fake-crying noises, with a grin on her face. So I figured that she was attention-seeking. I got in the car, and about 30 seconds later she got in.
The sooking continued for about 8 of the 10 minutes it took to get home. When we got home, I got her bag out (didn't even bother trying to fight THAT battle, it's always a screaming match to get her to get her bag out of the car by herself), and she unbuckled Coop. We went inside, and I put Thomas on the TV for Cooper. She started carrying on about how she wanted to watch a movie, and she's soooo sick of Thomas, blah blah blah. I explained to her that he could watch his Thomas show because it only goes for ten minutes, and then she could watch a movie. She carried on when she didn't want to watch any that I got out. She wanted to watch a movie that I've only got on the computer. At this time of day, I'm not going to turn the slow computer on.
So she's now calm and watching a movie. I didn't give in to any of her demands, I ignored her bad behaviour. It seemed to do the trick. She's still very cranky and moody, and on the verge of melting down. But for now she's not too bad.
Hopefully today's bad mood and tantrums won't turn into a meltdown. It's nice to know that I can, with Madd, recognise the difference.
Today I found out.
Picked Miss Maddison up from school, and she started screaming at me in defiance because I'd asked her to fold down her umbrella. She didn't want to. She started carrying on and sooking. So I started to walk toward the car. She began her banshee-screaming, and this time I just ignored it. I kept walking. I stopped and waited for her to catch up, then I continued on walking toward the car.
We finally reached the car, and I put Coopman in the car. She was still screaming, so I stood next to the car. I physically sat her on the ground, and said, "We're not leaving until you calm down."
20 minutes later, she stopped screaming, and just started making these silly fake-crying noises, with a grin on her face. So I figured that she was attention-seeking. I got in the car, and about 30 seconds later she got in.
The sooking continued for about 8 of the 10 minutes it took to get home. When we got home, I got her bag out (didn't even bother trying to fight THAT battle, it's always a screaming match to get her to get her bag out of the car by herself), and she unbuckled Coop. We went inside, and I put Thomas on the TV for Cooper. She started carrying on about how she wanted to watch a movie, and she's soooo sick of Thomas, blah blah blah. I explained to her that he could watch his Thomas show because it only goes for ten minutes, and then she could watch a movie. She carried on when she didn't want to watch any that I got out. She wanted to watch a movie that I've only got on the computer. At this time of day, I'm not going to turn the slow computer on.
So she's now calm and watching a movie. I didn't give in to any of her demands, I ignored her bad behaviour. It seemed to do the trick. She's still very cranky and moody, and on the verge of melting down. But for now she's not too bad.
Hopefully today's bad mood and tantrums won't turn into a meltdown. It's nice to know that I can, with Madd, recognise the difference.
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