Fear and other emotions

     So today after class, her teacher approached me.
The first thing out of her mouth was "I know this is a small issue, but I thought you'd want to know."

Seriously?

Seriously???

This is a fantastic thing!!! The old school didn't even bother to tell me about major issues like her hiding in the playground instead of going into class. I am super-happy that the teacher has told me about today's issue, regardless of how small she thinks it is.

    Before school (in the few minutes between me dropping her off and class starting), she found a basketball on the basketball court and started playing with it. A bigger boy came up to her (he's a known school bully, and apparently quite a nasty kid) and said "That's my ball, give it to me NOW." Madd being Madd, wasn't intimidated at all, and said quite frankly, "No, I found it here and I'm playing with it."
They started pushing and shoving each other to get the ball. Teachers saw it, and intervened before any damage was done. It turned out the ball did belong to the boy, but there was no apparent reason for it being left on the court unattended.

    The teacher was quite worried, because the boy could have seriously hurt her. The teacher was surprised at Madd's tenacity, and said that most kids would have backed down and given the ball over if they were stood over by a much bigger kid.
As I explained to the teacher, that's all part of Madd. She doesn't have any immediate fear of people. She has no idea about giving people space, and wouldn't have thought to back down. Had the teacher not told me about it and dealt with Madd's feelings about it, I would have copped an afterschool meltdown. But the teacher recognised that Madd, despite not backing down, was feeling stressed - and she spoke with Madd at length.

Another example of how Madd's atypical behaviour can be dangerous to herself. If the boy had hit her, she would have hit him back. She never backs down.

Madd has made a couple of friends since she started at this school. She connected with one girl immediately - this girl N has been great with Madd. It's not often that Madd instantly bonds with someone.

The other kid is a boy who's a couple of years older than her - I'll call him B, for privacy reasons. B has severe Cerebral Palsy, and is in an electric wheelchair. He has lots of gadgets on his wheelchair, like buttons that can be pressed with his head to make his communication device speak for him. He can say "Hello" by pushing a button with his head. The teacher said Madd is very interested in the bits and pieces on his chair, and she's always chatting with him.

I'm glad that I've raised a kid who doesn't see a kid with a disability as "abnormal". To her, he's just another kid. She doesn't have "tolerance"... it's not about tolerating him. She doesn't seem to realise that not everyone is as accepting. But that stems right back to her coming with me to volunteer with Yooralla. I worked with an older Italian man who had Muscular Dystrophy. She used to chat away to him, and she got to understand quite a lot of what he said. She is also exceptionally good at lipreading, since I started chatting on video chat with a young guy who has an SCI (spinal chord injury). My mate with an SCI can't speak, so to chat with him you have to lipread him. Madd's become quite good at it.

So I'm very happy with her at the moment, she's been super-calm since the change in schools.


 

Explaining about autism

So.... We're sitting in the psychologist's waiting room. There's a little boy of about 4 who's desperate to play with Madd. MADD, however, is in a mood. She just wants to be left alone. She's not taking the toys he's playing with, but she won't share the ones she's playing with.

The mum and dad of the boy are lovely. The boy's mum is trying to encourage their son to leave Madd alone. I'm trying to convince Madd that she is being rude. Neither of us are having much luck.
So... Insert awkward smile and apology from them about their son who's climbing all over my legs while he plays in front of me, and my returned awkward smile and apologies for my kid's refusal to acknowledge their boy exists.

I realised it doesn't matter whether they know Madd is autistic. Because they're not judging her. Or me. And I'm not judging them. These 3 strangers have just taught me something... That not everyone judges my kid's behaviour, they don't give a fig about it. And I'm developing more understanding about what other families might be dealing with.

Yay for understanding.

Haircutting Dilemmas

    So today I noticed, while shopping at a different centre to usual, that a hair salon had a cheap price for haircuts today ($13.95). I looked at the ratty ends of Madd's hair - she had her hair cut in layers last haircut, and as it grows out it's getting very messy and ratty at the ends. So I asked Madd if she'd like to get a hair trim (expecting her to say no as usual), and she surprised me by saying yes!!

So off we went to the salon. We waited for about 10 minutes, and she chatted happily with no signs of anxiety. When it was her turn, she hopped up onto the seat. Usually I'd tell them how much she hates having her hair cut, but I decided not to this time. I figured I'd just see how she went.

It didn't go well.

Not because of my kid, but because of the hairdresser. She looked at Madd's hair, and said "I'm sorry, but I can't cut her hair today. She has nits."
I groaned, and explained to Madd that she had headlice and couldn't have her hair cut today. She didn't have a meltdown or get upset (although she did get an upset look on her face).

We went home, and treated her hair for lice. As I combed her hair out post-treatment, I was pulling out comb-fulls of......

Not eggs. Not lice.
Dandruff.

My first thought was "Crap. The eggs aren't coming out." But as I combed over her hair several thousand (not exaggerating here) more times, there was nothing coming out. And all I could see was dandruff.

All those days of not showering and weeks of refusing to wash her hair have taken their toll on her scalp. So I put her in the shower (forcibly, I had to pin her in the shower because she refused to shower - and with the de-lousing stuff in her hair she needed to wash it out and shampoo it), and washed her hair with anti-dandruff shampoo with antibacterial stuff in it too. So that should help.

So NEXT time I take her to the hairdresser, I must remember to warn them that she has dandruff and NOT lice.

Although I'll admit it was a relief that she didn't actually have lice.

Second Psych Session

    Another psych session done - the second appointment was all about Madd doing an IQ test. She hasn't finished it, she'll finish it next week- but from what the psych has seen, Madd is far beyond her years in some areas. So it will be interesting to see exactly what the IQ test shows. She has strengths in some areas, but she's behind in others.

     She's still happy at the new school, she was NOT impressed at me taking her out early today for her psych session. But at least there's only 3 more to go. Then we'll know exactly where her strengths and weaknesses lie, and where on the spectrum she is.

     It does make me think about her biological father - does autism run in his family? Would he have anything to contribute to Madd's life? Would he have been supportive, and understanding, or would he just not get it at all? Why did he walk away? How could you walk away from your own kid? Has anyone told him she has autism? Will he ever decide he wants to know her? And how will I feel if he ever does?

It doesn't help to delve back into the past, it brings more questions than answers.

One Week of School

   Madd's first week of school is done and dusted.
She has been made to feel so welcome, it's amazing how well she's adapted to the new school. She went around and met all the teachers. She's made friends.
     At her old school, she was told that she "wasn't allowed" to join the choir. Within a few days of being at the new school, she's joined their school choir. She is loving every second of school. If she doesn't finish her work, the teacher doesn't push her to finish it - because she knows that it totally stresses Madd out. As long as she knows that Madd knows how to do the work, it's no big deal. And the teacher can send work home if it really does need to be finished.

I'm super-happy at how the teacher just.... gets her. Without having to be educated, and without having to try. I'm super-happy that I don't have to stress about how her day has been, the teacher always makes time to speak to me about any issues or achievements that Madd has had during the day. She's more than happy to spend a few minutes chatting. She MAKES TIME for the kids in her class... and she's only the substitute teacher! I've heard great things about her regular teacher as well, so I'm really looking forward to seeing how her second week will go.

     She has her first school swimming lesson with the new school on Monday (must remember to pack her swimming gear!!!). With the way her behaviour was spiralling out of control at the old school, I wouldn't let her do the school swimming lessons this year. But now that she's totally settled and happy, I'm sure that there won't be any problems.

I had a great time catching up with a friend today (who, unfortunately wasn't very well), had a fantastic time - she's one of those people that you can go years and years without seeing and yet still find yourself slipping into a zone of comfort - you can talk about everything and anything, and laugh and joke. I'm hoping she'll come and stay for the weekend in a couple of weeks (she can't drive for medical reasons, so I'll go pick her up and bring her down for a couple of days). Hopefully she's feeling better soon.

Anyways, I better stop rabbiting on about stuff, and get to bed! Good night all :)

Psychologists and Confirmation

      Madd had her first psychologist appointment today. There's a few more before we receive her official diagnosis, but the psychologist says she DEFINITELY falls somewhere on the autism spectrum.
I wouldn't say that I'm happy that she has a disability, but I am very very glad that it's not all in my head. Not that I thought that there was a chance of that, but there was always doubt that they'd be able to see what I see.

The signs of autism in Madd can be very very subtle to other people. So I'm relieved that after only 45 minutes the psych could see the real Madd.

Unfortunately we still have another 5 weeks til diagnosis. Now that I know for SURE that she's on the spectrum, it's just a matter of time until we find out exactly where she is and what she'll need support with. Oh, and she has ADHD too - apparently she's very very hyperactive.

So we are now one giant leap closer to D-Day ... diagnosis day.

Autism Playdate

    Today I did something that was completely out of my comfort zone. I went to a place I've never been before to see people I'd never met, in a group. A LONG way out of my comfort zone.

I had a great time. It was at a fully-fenced primary school with 12-ft fences and high locks. The kids had an absolute ball - it's the first time Cooper's been able to go off and play without me worrying and keeping my eyes on him all the time. I spent the first hour being paranoid because I couldn't see him, and after I'd done a full lap of the school, I stopped worrying and started enjoying myself.

I met a few lovely ladies, and some awesome kids too. Madd didn't get into any fights or arguments, and really enjoyed herself. She was exhausted and happy to leave by the end of it, but she was in a happy mood for the entire afternoon and night, AND went to bed when she was asked!!! Miracles all round.
For once, there were no mean kids picking on her, or telling her that she's weird. She fit right in, and had a great time. All the kids were lovely to her, and I'm really really grateful. VERY glad that we went.

I enjoyed having a chat to the mums, especially L who had a boy and a girl, and P who had a boy and two girls, and M who had 2 girls. All the kids were lovely, and amazing kids.
The day went without a hitch - only a few minor meltdowns from the kids, which is pretty darn good! My kid went the entire day without a single meltdown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *happy dance*
Although, when we got home she spent 3 hours straight watching TV (her anti-social chillax-time, which was well deserved after she was so fantastic today). I can't remember the last time her anxiety was so low - it's a nice feeling to be accepted and have nice kids around, I guess.

I'm super-glad that we went - it's nice to have a chat to other parents who "get it". Who don't judge your kid and say "Are you sure she's autistic?" or "But she seems so normal"... people who get that what they see isn't the whole picture. And all the ladies were lovely and down-to-earth. I've never felt more at ease around people. I felt comfortable, which NEVER happens around people I don't know!!

Can't wait for the next get-together.

Yet Another Surprising Day

    The last few days have been full-on.
It was my birthday on Tuesday, so I went out shopping with Mum for the day, and then went down to Mum's until late this morning. The kids were a nightmare; Cooper is teething, Madd's being challenging, and I have had bugger-all sleep. Coop decided, on Wednesday morning, that it was a great idea to get up at 4:45am, and refused to go back to sleep until around 11am - he then slept for 3 1/2 hours straight. Fortunately this morning it was a 7am start.

     Coop has been on Nurofen the last few days - he started hitting himself in the head and screaming, so I took that to mean that he had a pretty bad headache. He seemed so much better after Nurofen, but then he was extremely hyperactive and moody. He was hitting, kicking, and being generally difficult. So I'm kinda glad to be home where he's more comfortable (not to mention Ash being here too!).

     Madd's been pretty quiet since we got back, but happy. We took the kids and the dog to the park today - Madd rode her bike (the way-too-small one that she's comfortable riding, she won't ride anything bigger), Cooper ran (and I mean RAN the entire lap of the huge park).  We got back, had dinner, and then the kids went off to Madd's room to play.

B I G    mistake.

     Ash went in to get Cooper to put him to bed.
"Jen, can you come here?" I hear him yell down the hallway. Uh oh.

I go in, and Madd has decided to run her Blustik (glue stick that's blue) over every inch of her desk AND her desk chair. Crap crap crap.
I knew that telling her off would do absolutely nothing. So I did the only thing I could think of doing - I reached for the toys I spotted first - her Barbies... I snapped 3 of her Barbies in half, saying "If you treat your things like crap, we will too." I picked the not-real-Barbie ones, since the Barbie ones are better quality.
She burst into tears - REAL tears, not the hysterical ones of frustration. I think I may have actually got through to her this time.

I set her up with a bowl of warm water and a Chux, she's now scrubbing the glue off the desk. I don't really care if it takes her all night - she needs to feel the consequences of what she does.