Thank you, readers

    Tonight I received some feedback about my blog - I've had a few people say they really enjoy reading it. I'm glad. I never know whether my blog is interesting or not, so it's nice to hear that at least a few people are reading it.

Writing a blog takes a lot of guts - anything that you blog about can be used in the real world against you. Everything I write on here can change people's views about me. I write about my depression, about Madd's issues and provisional diagnosis of Aspergers and ADHD. About any issues or challenges I'm facing, as well as the happy times. I only write when I really feel like it, if I don't write every day it's because I don't feel I have anything to say.

I write about things that most people wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with everyone. I feel that depression is something that needs to be talked about, because if there's a stigma against it no one will seek help when they really do need it. I have been condemned for needing medication, I've been told that it's "evil", and that I shouldn't take it. It doesn't work for everyone, but it does work wonders for me. I'm more rational, and less manic (no big ups and downs). I recently wrote about menstrual cups, a topic that VERY few people would want to talk about! But I believe that more women should know about how amazing they are.

I'm going to do a blog entry on hair removal next, I think (shaving, waxing, sanding, etc), which will hopefully be informative and helpful for some.

So for those who have given me feedback, thank you. Good or bad, it's all appreciated.

 xxx

Jen

Pimples in the nose HURT!

   So Madd has been complaining about a sore nose for a few days. She's been going on and on about it, and we looked and couldn't see anything on the outside or inside. So we just put it down to her being a pain.
WRONG.

Today I looked in her nose, and nearly fell over - MASSIVE pimple in her nose. It was the biggest pimple I've ever seen, and I've had a lot of pimples in my nearly-29 (next Tuesday!) years. So I said to Madd that we needed to pop it. The easiest and least painful way is to prick the white tip with a pin, and drain out the pus and blood. That releases the pressure and stops it from hurting. So naturally, Madd being Madd, completely flipped out.

I said we could do it gently without the pin, but she would NOT let me near it. And so I figured, instead of waiting for it to pop by itself and having her in pain with it for a few more days, that I'd pin her down and pop it. I don't know what I'm going to do with her when she's older, because she's very very strong. Fortunately, I'm very stubborn and there was no way I was going to let her get away without me popping it. So I pinned her down on the floor and popped it with the pin. She was screaming the whole time, but stopped when she realised I'd popped it without her feeling a thing.

The bad part? So much pus!!! I didn't realise that much pus could come out of one pimple. I really didn't want it going down the back of her nose, so I tried to use a tissue (while pinning her arms down and her head still) to drain the rest out.4 tissues later, the pus was finally out. It didn't bleed all that much, but there was so much pus!! Really really gross, and not what I'd planned on doing today. But, it was all worth it because now she's calm and happy and her nose doesn't hurt any more.

Another fun day in the House of Little Horrors :)

Hello to new school, goodbye to old school

    Madd had her orientation at the new school yesterday morning from 8:45am until 11:15am. She got to meet some really nice kids in her class, one girl in particular. She keeps talking about this one kid like she's known her for years. So it's nice to see that she's made a friend already.

     I took Madd for a McDonalds lunch between visiting the new school and her last afternoon at the old school. When I dropped her off to the old school, the teacher's first comment was "Oh, she's out of uniform". I didn't want to alienate her at the new school by having her old uniform on, and the new school had an out of uniform day. And I didn't see the point in getting her changed for 2 1/2 hours of old-school. So she went out of uniform. Her teacher has always been very condescending toward me, and it frustrates the hell out of me. I'm sorry that this teacher was her last experience at the old school - unfortunately Madd's changing schools happened while her regular teacher was away on holiday. I'll have to make sure I take her back to the old school to say goodbye to her regular teacher.

     Madd's new teacher is very nice - she seemed quite interested in everything I could tell her about Madd. So I'm really happy about the new school, and I really feel like we've made the right decision. I'm very glad that she's so happy to go to the new school, after so many months of school refusal at the old school.

Today we went out to Ballarat to visit my youngest sister and her 3 kids. The kids had a great time playing together, and it was nice to see her and the kids again. I don't see them as often as I'd like, and we only stayed for a few hours - but I knew Madd wouldn't last much longer than that without having a meltdown. We managed to survive the whole day without a major meltdown, only one little tantrum that was easily averted.

On the down-side, when we got back home I realised she has another stye in the same eye but the top eyelid this time. It burst with her rubbing it so much, so hopefully it'll stay gone. Lots of blood and pus, and her eye is very swollen. I'm hoping it goes away on its own, because she's staying with Mum the next few days. Tuesday night I pick her up, and then Wednesday taking Madd and Kayla to the Royal Melbourne Show.

Should be a good school holidays :)

Birthday Excursion for Madd

    So Madd is off to Puffing Billy tomorrow with a friend. I'm very nervous about sending her by herself without me - the parents are good family friends, so I trust them more than most with my kids. But... it's Madd. She's really looking forward to going, and I'll enjoy the break from her; but I'm nervous.

I'm not sure what I'm worried about.
She could go missing - well, that's not a huge deal. She'd turn up eventually.
She could have a meltdown - the parents have seen Madd in full meltdown mode, and know how to handle her.
She could get anxious and upset - well she probably won't let it out until she gets home, in which case it's not a catastrophe.

I don't know what I'm concerned about - she'll be fine, I know she will.
I guess I'm most worried that she could go missing - it wouldn't be the first time. But she's turned up every time. I'll have to keep extra busy tomorrow so that I don't think about it!

Eye drops and Aspergers

      So Madd had a stye, and it's now burst. The doctor gave her a script for eye drops, which have to be administered every 3 hours *sigh*
So I've taken the week off to stay home and go to the school twice a day at 12 and 3 and put the eye drops in.  I have to pin her down, because she won't voluntarily take them. I tried to reason with her, and get her to let me put them in, but even with a teachers' assistant talking to her, she wouldn't do it. So I took her into the empty staff room and pinned her on the floor and put the drops in.

      As I carried Madd back to class from the staff room (she clung to me, and so I comforted her by carrying her down to the classroom), she calmed down. As we entered the classroom, her teacher pipes up and says, "Oh, you've got a baby there", meaning that Madd was being a baby. I'm really angry at that stupid, thoughtless comment. I have a hard enough time getting her to do what needs to be done, and when she shows emotion I'm not going to call her a baby. I am extremely angry right now.

Will be interesting to see how we go with the eye drops at 3pm. School doesn't finish til 3:30, and then she's going to afterschool care - I'm trying to keep as much routine as I can during the next 2 weeks before she changes schools. I'm not going to my class tonight, since there's no way Mum will be able to administer the eye drops.  At least my teacher is okay about it. It's one of those times I'm glad I don't have a job, because if I was missing this much paid work I'd be getting in trouble.

Welcome back, Happiness

    It occurred to me today, while having coffee with a friend, that I'm happy again.
After only a short few weeks of being back on medication for my depression, I'm much much happier. It's not happened all of a sudden, but it's only really sunk in today. The last few times I've visited this particular friend, I've felt very depressed and like the world is caving in on me. Which with Madd's upcoming diagnosis of Aspergers or Autism, her being bullied at school, pressures of study, 3 days a week of placement, AND an ill-tempered 2 year old, it's not surprising that life's been getting to me. I'm glad that I was able to recognise the signs of my mental demise, and act. So many people out there with depression can't or won't admit they need help, and it's a real shame - because the results are fantastic when you seek help!

    Admittedly, I haven't been to placement in 2 weeks. After having this coming week off, it will be 3 weeks. Unfortunately, with placement being unpaid work and us having bills and rent to pay (not to mention saving for a second car), Ash can't afford to take time off. So again I miss placement. Madd has a stye (an eye infection), so she has to have eye drops every 3 hours. Since the school can't legally pin her down and administer them, she'll have to stay home so that I can do it. She refuses to take them, she just panicks and totally freaks out. So I sit on her, pinning her arms by her side. Then I clamp her head and administer the eye drops. Then I get off her and leave her to melt down. She does eventually calm down; about 2 minutes after the eye drops are in, she'll sit and cuddle me. Then she goes back to whatever she was doing. She's not thrilled about the eye drops, but the doctor explained to her that if she doesn't take them (and the antibiotics), she'll be put into hospital and have an IV drip in her arm. She doesn't like that idea. So, although she fights for the eye drops not to be done, she's well aware of what will happen if she doesn't.

    So this week will be spent with me trying to get Madd to get some maths and english work done in the workbooks we have here. She's not going to sit around and watch TV all day just because of a sore eye. She still has to learn something while she's home.

I feel bad for missing 3 weeks of placement, but at the end of the day it's unpaid experience; and I'm there to learn; since I'm not employed, I'm not really letting them down. I'm looking forward to going back, but I've also been extremely busy with my time off; dealing with a toddler with a cold for almost 2 weeks, then me being sick, now Madd's eye issues. Having a really bad run at the moment, but I'm coping quite well.

THANK YOU, Zoloft, for saving my sanity.

Product Review - Lunette Menstrual Cup

For those guys who were silly enough to click on this post, seriously - for your own good, don't read any further.



 I absolutely HATE having my period. It's icky, and I always leak. So when I first discovered menstrual cups a few days ago, I started researching them.
I couldn't find any bad reviews - there wasn't a single person who's tried them that didn't keep using them. And no one seemed to have anything really bad to say about them.

     So I took a chance and ordered one online. I chose the Lunette menstrual cup, based on the fact it was under $50. It seemed like a good one, so I went with it. I paid extra for Express Post, and it arrived the very next day - very impressive.

    The product itself is... interesting.
The reviews seemed to indicate that it's trickier to remove it than insert it. So I tried it.
I ended up having to cut the stem off right at the bottom, because it dug into my lady parts. Once I removed the stem, it feels much better. Not exactly comfortable, but I'm sure I'll get used to it. The suction works quite well, and not too hard to get it out either. Seems to be a much better alternative to pads or tampons.

After 24 hours of having the cup, I can happily blog about it and say it's amazing. I would recommend it to EVERYONE!! For the first time, I woke up comfortable in the morning. There was no rush to get up and get changed, and no leakage!

I ended up turning the cup inside-out after I cut off the stem. No discomfort, I barely notice that the thing is in there. Very very happy with my purchase!

Depression and Women's Business

     Well I haven't been myself for quite awhile. With Madd's upcoming diagnosis next month, and being bullied at placement, the massive workload at TAFE and dealing with a tantruming 2 year old and a melting-down 6 year old who is about to change schools, I've been very stressed and anxious. I hadn't realised just how depressed I'd been until I started thinking about getting in the car and leaving. Then I realised I couldn't do that, and the suicidal thoughts started. THAT was when I decided that I needed help.

     So I went to one of my 2 usual doctors clinics. Apparently THAT one didn't have any record of my depression or medication. I went in there feeling suicidal and bawling my eyes out and asking for medication, and the doctor stone-faced told me there was nothing he could do and I had to fill out a questionnaire and come back in a week. So... I left feeling extremely angry. Truth be told, I function much better on anger than depression. So I made an appointment with my OTHER usual clinic, and got the medication and a referral to see a psychologist. The same one I saw after I had Coop, since I figured she knows me already and that should speed up the process of figuring out how to help me help myself.

     So, after nearly 2 weeks of being on medication, I haven't forgotten a single dose - I've done really really well. And, although my sex drive and brain function has dropped (very well-known side-effects of the medication), I'm functioning a lot better. I have a lot of "stupid moments" where I say or do something that makes people go "what is wrong with you??". But overall, I feel better. Even with having a cold, being home for 2 weeks with a sick toddler, and dealing with Madd's meltdowns because she doesn't want to go to school, I'm feeling pretty darn good.

     ALRIGHT GUYS - if you're a guy, stop reading here. SERIOUSLY. Don't read any further! Womens Business!






     I HATE having my period. When ToM (Time of the Month) comes to visit, I'm a bitch. I hate dealing with it, and the leakage that always happens no matter how many pads/tampons you use.
So after reading up on menstrual cups, I've decided to buy one. It's made of silicon, and the idea is that when you push it up into your lady parts, it forms a seal and catches all the blood. Then you empty it (about every 12 hours), and reinsert it and go again for the next 12 hours. I'm looking forward to seeing if it works.
Apparently putting it IN is quite easy. Taking it OUT, however, is apparently quite tricky since you need to break the seal that holds it in. I will post an update after it's arrived and I've tried it out - for those of you who hate tampons and pads and all that "stuff", I'd recommend you try a cup. There's not a single person I've found who's been brave enough to try it and hasn't kept using it. They're well worth it. Not to mention a LOT cheaper. A $50 cup will last you years, instead of $10-$20 per month on pads and tampons. And it's the "green" option. Very hippy of me, but we'll see how we go :)

My Rant

my rant for today -

I'm sick of school teachers that just don't understand. My child has social-emotional issues, and she's being assessed for Aspergers... she can't sit with one of the kids in her class - they can't even be on the same table, or there's nasty things said by him to my kid, and then she retalliates with either words or her fists. Issue last week was that he cut her jumper. THIS week, the art teacher (who knows they can't sit together) had them sitting at the same table, and he told her that she had a fat ugly face. So my kid comes home and melts down so badly that I end up giving her the next day off school so that she can have a break from him. Soooo angry. AND the teacher is supposed to write in her communication book every day (since she's in afterschool care 3 times a week), and didn't bother yet again. Very glad we made the decision to change her to another school next term.

WHY, when an issue is known, does the teacher insist on putting her with this kid???????
The last time they were sat together, Madd told the teacher she wasn't allowed to sit with him, and the teacher told her that she had to sit with him. I'm so angry. This is the main reason behind her not wanting to go to school any more.

I look forward to her leaving this school and going to a school where they understand her.

Moving Schools - The Journey

     The new school that Madd is going to doesn't have an on-site uniform shop - they do all their uniform sales through a schoolwear outlet. So this morning the kids and I headed there to pick up a couple of things for Madd.

      We bought 3 items - a bomber jacket, a polo shirt and a dress. $115 later, we were out of there.
I couldn't believe the price, it seemed outrageous. I then spent $8 on a pair of track pants for her - so she has two sets of uniforms; a dress, and a pair of pants and polo shirt. That will have to do her for now, since we can't afford to go buying much more than that at the moment. It's proving to be an expensive change, but I'm sure it will be worth it.

Cooper was getting a cold last Sunday, so I took last week off school and placement. Toward Wednesday and Thursday, he seemed a lot better. Now today he's done almost nothing but sleep. He slept in the car, he slept after lunch, he got up and drank a bottle and took himself back to bed within half an hour. He's still asleep now. So I'm not sure if I'll be back at placement again on Monday like I'm supposed to be. I can't send him to childcare if he's not well, so there may be a few more quiet days at home for us.

MONDAY:

Well, Cooper is STILL sick. Hoping he'll be better by Wednesday so I can get back to placement. Otherwise I won't finish my time there until next year, which would be REALLY bad. I'm hoping to be able to go back to work next year, at least part-time. I've got a lot of housework to catch up on today, so I really don't mind missing placement. I managed to get some food shopping done this morning, the first time in ages. Feels like Cooper's been sick forever.  At least the house will be clean by the end of today. I may even have a few meals in the freezer too - depending on how much motivation I can find today. It really is too nice a day to be inside all day.

Madd went to school today, although she's kinda out-of-uniform. I couldn't find a school t-shirt for her, I think the only one she's got left is long-sleeved and hiding somewhere. So she wore a tshirt to school (not even the right colour). It was hard enough to get her to not wear her NEW school uniform to the almost-ex school. The next few weeks with her will be tough, but at least it'll be over in a few weeks and she can have a 2 week holiday and then attend the new school.