A Decision Is Made

    Well we've made a possibly life-changing decision for Madd - at the end of this year, she is going to change schools. Her school is a great little school, but it's just not a great fit for her. The new school has on-site counselling, an aide that floats around the school wherever she's needed, and they seem like a really ASD-friendly school. All the kids seemed happy (other than the one who fell over but was comforted by not only the Assistant Principal but another teacher and quite a few kids). It seems like a nice little school, and a very good fit for Madd.

     I haven't told her school that she's leaving yet. I'll tackle that one tomorrow when I drop her off. But I'm super-excited. I think the final decision was made easy by the fact that Madd seemed so happy and settled while we were there, and she hasn't been stressed out this afternoon either. She stayed home from school today so that we could take her to see her possible-new-school.

     They run a "transition program" in November/December, so we have to make sure she's enrolled by November. She really wants to change schools, she said "I know there could be mean people at the new school, but there's really mean kids at my school now." So she wants to move, and she does understand that she won't be with the same kids. I'm glad Ash is now on board, I really feel it's the right choice for her.

So tomorrow I'll speak to the school about her moving at the end of the year.
I know we've made the right decision.
Haven't told the in-laws yet, but my mum thinks it's a great idea.

Lack-Of-Communication Book

    So much for Madd having a communication book.
I finally found out from Madd today that her teacher told them a few weeks ago that she was going away on holiday for the rest of term. I'm really really angry that I wasn't personally told - either by phone, in person or via her communication book. Nothing was mentioned until after the teacher had already left.

    So off to the school on Thursday to talk to the school about a couple of things.
The first one is the most important - the teacher has to write any upcoming changes in the commbook; like when they're going on holiday, having days off, etc so that I can talk them through with Madd and at least understand why she's highly anxious.

   The second one is that I don't want her having the same teacher next year. She's had the same teacher 2 years in a row, and is very attached to her. I don't want her to get too attached, she needs to adjust to a new teacher each year. I hate to think how attached she'll be after 3 years if she's so attached after 2 years.

Still off to see another school on Thursday, so we'll see what Madd and Ash both think about it.

What to do when the substitute teacher is awesome?

    So I'm really really impressed with how the substitute teacher is handling Madd. I'm starting to regret my haste to condemn her. We sat down and had a meeting with her and the vice principal, and it was the most productive and best meeting we've had since she started school. I feel like I was listened to, I felt like I listened, and we worked together for what was best for Madd.

     I'm not sure how I feel about Madd's regular teacher. She's a lovely lady, very calm and relaxed - which I thought was good for Madd. And Madd seems to respond really well to her.

But the last few weeks, Madd has been melting down almost every day after school, and every weekend. So I don't know where to go from here.

    Madd's behaviour has been so erratic the last few weeks, and I'm not sure what's causing it. Is it just the anxiety of having a different teacher? She says she misses Mrs H, but says the substitute is great too. So.... how do I cope with Madd's behaviour at the moment? She's totally stressed out.

Scripting

     So I've just had a realisation. When Madd gets stressed or angry, she quotes movies. In the autism world, it's referred to as "scripting". Some kids do nothing but script. It's their only form of communication, and it can be quite effective.

     Today she got angry because she couldn't watch a movie (she physically couldn't, something was being recorded and we couldn't do both). She screamed profanities,  kicked a chair, and yelled at me "I can't do ANYTHING right, CAN I"... a quote from Sarah (Jennifer Connelly) in Labyrinth.
She's quoted quite a few other movies, but this is one of her favourites.

Another thing that I should mention to the psych in October.

    

Clear As Mud

   So I know that I can be as clear as mud sometimes. I'm not very good at verbalising what I'm trying to say. But I AM very good at writing it down. So here goes....

    I love my kids. I'm glad I have them. But I don't want any more. Not because my body hates pregnancy. Not because we can't afford it. Not because I don't love the ones I have. But because I need to know that I can have enough time and energy to focus on my kids. I'm happy with the 2 we have, but there won't be any more.

    I don't want to move Madd's school. I want the school to step up and realise that Madd has unique needs, and with a few very-small changes she could do really well. But I am open to the possibility of moving Madd's school if the school doesn't step up.

    I want a second car. Not because we "need" it. I need it. I need to know that, at any time, I have a car here. If one of the kids falls over and we need to get to the hospital, I need to know that there's a car we can jump in to get there. I need to have that freedom.

     I want to work in the field of disability. Not because "it's hard work but I can do it", or because I am good at it. I want to do it because I enjoy helping people. I enjoy working with people with disabilities - in a general sense, they're friendly and honest people who don't judge things that you do or say. And they don't expect you to be perfect, and they expect you to understand that they're not either. They want to be treated like equals, and I want that too.

    I am very bad at verbalising my thoughts. I'm extremely good at typing them. I remember word-for-word what people say, but I don't hear the "subtle" parts. If someone really isn't up for a visitor and they say "Oh, I'm not well and I wouldn't be much company"... that doesn't work for me. Saying "I'm not well so I'd rather we rescheduled?" That works really really well. I like honesty. Honesty I can understand, I'm not great at subtle.

    I've just finished the Fifty Shades books. Loved every word. Because every little thing is explained in detail. Every hesitation of the character, what they're thinking and feeling - all laid out clearly. I like that in a book. Plus the fact it's literotica kinda makes it that bit more entertaining.

So... that's my pensive thoughts for the day.

Changing Schools

     I'm preparing to change Madd's school if we have to.
I love the school she's at, it's a small community and small school. It's a wonderful school if you have a neurotypical child.

However....

There's one child that Madd can't sit with or work with. They can't even be in the same group. They stir each other, and punches end up getting thrown. The regular teacher knows this. But it seems like, although the message is being passed on to her other teachers, they're not heeding the warning. It's not really a warning, it's more like a huge red neon sign that's flashing ***DANGER***. Madd's jumper got cut, and punches got thrown between the two of them.  She also gets very stressed when she's made to work with him. We finally got her to the point where she's able to verbalise to the teacher that she can't work with him, but the teacher still said that she had to. That is a point that will be made at our meeting with the school this afternoon.

   Now I thought Ash was on board with moving her schools if we absolutely had to.
Now this morning we get into a massive argument over that... he threw up the line that "No matter what, I don't think she should move schools."
Hang on there... earlier this week you were saying that you were on board with this if it had to happen. Now you're saying it doesn't?
 So I try for further clarification.

Apparently if the school states that there's nothing more they can do to make her school life easier, and they state that they'll keep treating Madd's "defiance" (it's her way of saying she's stressed about something, and you need to ask her what's wrong to get it out of her) as bad behaviour and punishing her, THEN we can move her schools.

I'm not talking about moving her schools now. I'm not even talking about it being a definite.
I'm just asking that we keep the possibility open if we believe it's in her best interests, and maybe another school will handle her issues in a different way - in the way that works.

But for now, it's a subject that we just cannot agree on. 

Response to Email to the Principal

Apparently I misunderstood what the teacher was saying.
I'm not sure HOW I misunderstood, as I quoted in the email back to the principal word-for-word what the teacher had said.

Now this particular teacher I have GREAT respect for. She's a lovely lady, firm but fair, and is a wonderful teacher.

But....

She doesn't understand Aspergers. Which makes it so much harder for my child.
We have a meeting with her and the assistant principal on Friday after school.