The Blog Is Moving

      I've come to a decision - I'm going to move my blog.


It's not a decision I've made lightly - I like the setup of blogger.com... but there's no link to Facebook, so it's very tricky for people to leave feedback and responses.

So it's moving to http://aussiejenna.wordpress.com/

Please check it out soon!

Fat... plus decisions to make

    I'm feeling fat.

I'm feeling worse than fat - I'm feeling uncomfortable. I'm over 110kg now, and although being 6ft means I don't look super-fat, I feel really large. I know that I've been indulging in all the wrong foods and not exercising; so what do I do about it?

I know that I should stop drinking soft drink, stop eating sugary snacks, and eat less in general. But it's extremely tricky. A lot of it is lack of willpower, and the fact that I love all the wrong foods. And I should exercise - but that's really tricky when I have no energy (thanks to the antidepressants) and little opportunity to get to the gym (maybe I should get a treadmill?).

And Ash and I are currently discussing whether or not to have more kids.
I've been very very clucky since seeing my nephew at a couple of days old.  But I'm not sure if I can put my body through what it went through last time. Although, as long as I stay well hydrated, I shouldn't have the same problems. Dehydration caused a lot of my problems.

So... to have more kids, or not?
To find the motivation to lose weight, or wait for it to find me?
Decisions, decisions.

And even better - Coop has come up with one red spot on his foot, and he's got explosive diarrhoea - to the point where I looked at his shorts and t-shirt and decided to throw them in the bin (or rather my nose and stomach did). Looks like we may have another Pox patient soon.

xxx

The Adventures of the Chicken Pox Kid

     So Madd has chicken pox.

It first appeared on her legs on Tuesday morning. I sent her to school on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, assuming that they were just mosquito bites. I was wrong.

On Friday morning I noticed quite a few spots on her lower back. There were a few on her stomach, so I figured that if there was a mass infestation of mozzies or fleas in our house, then we'd have to flea-bomb the house. So off to the doctors we went.

When we got there, the receptionist looked at Madd, and sent us to the nurse's station. I found that strange, because I really didn't see why. Then the nurse came along and had a look, and said "yep, that's chicken pox". I was dumbfounded. I hadn't even CONSIDERED chicken pox! Whoopsie!

So we've been home yesterday and today. We had to cancel our plans last night, today, tomorrow, school Monday, and Melbourne Cup Day Tuesday. Plans that I really was looking forward to.

Madd is actually handling it quite well. She was fine yesterday, albeit itchy. Stuck her in a Pinetarsol bath, which she HATED and screamed the whole time. Then, on advice from the pharmacy worker, we covered her in Solosite gel. We did that most of yesterday. Today she's barely had any issues. She's been very tired and restless, but overall pretty good. She hasn't scratched at all, and we haven't neeeded to put gel on. She's had one dose of Panadol, since she has some chicken pox spots in her "vajayjay" (I am very sorry that she has to deal with that). But she's been incredibly good. Misbehaving and melting down, presumably from being stuck at home with no routine happening and plans all changed since we can't go out - but not stressed about the chicken pox.

I'm dreading spending the next few days at home. Cooper has worked out how to get onto his top bunk, even though we removed the ladder - he just climbs up the side and swings his way up. So today I put the ladder back on, since there's no point in not having it there. It hasn't helped keep him off the top bunk at all. He's such a little climber, it drives me insane. Twice today he's decided it's a great idea to put a full toilet roll in the loo and flush it. Very lucky that he hasn't blocked up the loo yet. 

So it's been an interesting couple of days at home. I've baked lemon and poppyseed cupcakes, a cappuccino cake, and tomorrow's agenda is making a caramel slice.

I wasn't coping too well this morning, I can't handle the thought of being trapped at home. I've always loved the fact that I can pick up and go, even with two kids. I've always loved having my freedom. But knowing that I'll be stuck at home until at least Wednesday... that's not sitting well with me. Fortunately with Ash being home on Wednesday and Thursday I'll still be able to go to placement. Just hoping Madd is better by next Friday night, because I'm supposed to be doing a Mary Kay party at a friend's place (my first real gig).

Hope everyone is well
Jen
xxxx

Autism Obsessed

     Since finding out that Madd has autism, it seems to be all I blog about.
A lot of the reason for that is because dealing with it takes up more time than anything else in my life. But tonight I'm going to make a concerted effort to blog about the REST of my life.

     Cooper is 27 months old, and an absolute terror. He loves to climb up the drawers and onto the kitchen bench. He'll sit there and play with whatever happens to be on the bench. He loves to stuff his little cars and trucks into random socks. He is now speaking in 3 word sentences. He craves routine... can't put his bag in the backseat after creche, it must be in the boot because that's where it's always gone. At night, he watches In The Night Garden, then gets his "milk" and goes to bed. It's a great routine, calm and peaceful - and he responds well to it. He's about to go up to the next room at creche, he is moving up from the toddlers' room to the big-toddlers' room. I'm a little disappointed, because the staff in the toddlers' room are fantastic. Nothing against the staff in the bigger room, but I'm very familiar with the staff in his current room. But it's all part of growing up.

     Madd is covered in bruises at the moment. She's fallen off her bike a few times, fallen off her scooter, and been bumping into things. Her legs look awful, covered in bruises and scratches and grazes. But she's coping quite well. She went to bed on time tonight, which is massive! She was in bed by 7:30, and asleep almost immediately. She had a great time for Halloween - we always go down to Mum's place, since her whole neighbourhood love to do Halloween. She dressed up as a witch, and we painted her face green. She looked absolutely fantastic.

She had a great time, and was super-polite as always. She didn't say too many inappropriate things, and wasn't too forward. She did extremely well.
(please read this blog in regards to "scripting")

I, however, had high anxiety. I was freaking out about door-knocking with people who may not have been participating in Halloween. Fortunately for me, we ran into a few of the neighbours that I do know, so we went along with them.

I have only 2 weeks left of placement. I'm glad in one way - I'll get my free time back! But I'm devastated, because I really do like it there. Had a pretty crappy day today, I ended up coming home sick because my stomach got really upset for some reason. But overall I'm really liking it. I'm hoping to get a job there, even if it's just casual work. Otherwise I'll try and find some work next year once school goes back.

My new car is amazing. I know it's only an old car, but it runs really well - and it has the 2 things I really wanted; airconditioning and power steering. Madd loves it, and it's the perfect size. It's cheap on fuel, and... I just love it!

I'm selling Mary Kay makeup - I've never been a really girly-girl, and never bothered with makeup. But I love the colours, and the skincare is just magic. They have a peach hand set that's just amazing, it keeps my hands nice and soft even with me washing them 15 times a day. The best part is that the "hostess benefits" are sales-based, not party-bookings-based. So there's no pressure to get a certain number of friends to book parties from your party. And the prices are pretty reasonable. It's my latest love.

Ash is... Ash. Nothing much changes with him. I'm not looking forward to summer, when his work hours skyrocket and he's never home. But I'll survive, as always.

Hope you're all doing well, drop me a line :)

Fear and other emotions

     So today after class, her teacher approached me.
The first thing out of her mouth was "I know this is a small issue, but I thought you'd want to know."

Seriously?

Seriously???

This is a fantastic thing!!! The old school didn't even bother to tell me about major issues like her hiding in the playground instead of going into class. I am super-happy that the teacher has told me about today's issue, regardless of how small she thinks it is.

    Before school (in the few minutes between me dropping her off and class starting), she found a basketball on the basketball court and started playing with it. A bigger boy came up to her (he's a known school bully, and apparently quite a nasty kid) and said "That's my ball, give it to me NOW." Madd being Madd, wasn't intimidated at all, and said quite frankly, "No, I found it here and I'm playing with it."
They started pushing and shoving each other to get the ball. Teachers saw it, and intervened before any damage was done. It turned out the ball did belong to the boy, but there was no apparent reason for it being left on the court unattended.

    The teacher was quite worried, because the boy could have seriously hurt her. The teacher was surprised at Madd's tenacity, and said that most kids would have backed down and given the ball over if they were stood over by a much bigger kid.
As I explained to the teacher, that's all part of Madd. She doesn't have any immediate fear of people. She has no idea about giving people space, and wouldn't have thought to back down. Had the teacher not told me about it and dealt with Madd's feelings about it, I would have copped an afterschool meltdown. But the teacher recognised that Madd, despite not backing down, was feeling stressed - and she spoke with Madd at length.

Another example of how Madd's atypical behaviour can be dangerous to herself. If the boy had hit her, she would have hit him back. She never backs down.

Madd has made a couple of friends since she started at this school. She connected with one girl immediately - this girl N has been great with Madd. It's not often that Madd instantly bonds with someone.

The other kid is a boy who's a couple of years older than her - I'll call him B, for privacy reasons. B has severe Cerebral Palsy, and is in an electric wheelchair. He has lots of gadgets on his wheelchair, like buttons that can be pressed with his head to make his communication device speak for him. He can say "Hello" by pushing a button with his head. The teacher said Madd is very interested in the bits and pieces on his chair, and she's always chatting with him.

I'm glad that I've raised a kid who doesn't see a kid with a disability as "abnormal". To her, he's just another kid. She doesn't have "tolerance"... it's not about tolerating him. She doesn't seem to realise that not everyone is as accepting. But that stems right back to her coming with me to volunteer with Yooralla. I worked with an older Italian man who had Muscular Dystrophy. She used to chat away to him, and she got to understand quite a lot of what he said. She is also exceptionally good at lipreading, since I started chatting on video chat with a young guy who has an SCI (spinal chord injury). My mate with an SCI can't speak, so to chat with him you have to lipread him. Madd's become quite good at it.

So I'm very happy with her at the moment, she's been super-calm since the change in schools.


 

Explaining about autism

So.... We're sitting in the psychologist's waiting room. There's a little boy of about 4 who's desperate to play with Madd. MADD, however, is in a mood. She just wants to be left alone. She's not taking the toys he's playing with, but she won't share the ones she's playing with.

The mum and dad of the boy are lovely. The boy's mum is trying to encourage their son to leave Madd alone. I'm trying to convince Madd that she is being rude. Neither of us are having much luck.
So... Insert awkward smile and apology from them about their son who's climbing all over my legs while he plays in front of me, and my returned awkward smile and apologies for my kid's refusal to acknowledge their boy exists.

I realised it doesn't matter whether they know Madd is autistic. Because they're not judging her. Or me. And I'm not judging them. These 3 strangers have just taught me something... That not everyone judges my kid's behaviour, they don't give a fig about it. And I'm developing more understanding about what other families might be dealing with.

Yay for understanding.

Haircutting Dilemmas

    So today I noticed, while shopping at a different centre to usual, that a hair salon had a cheap price for haircuts today ($13.95). I looked at the ratty ends of Madd's hair - she had her hair cut in layers last haircut, and as it grows out it's getting very messy and ratty at the ends. So I asked Madd if she'd like to get a hair trim (expecting her to say no as usual), and she surprised me by saying yes!!

So off we went to the salon. We waited for about 10 minutes, and she chatted happily with no signs of anxiety. When it was her turn, she hopped up onto the seat. Usually I'd tell them how much she hates having her hair cut, but I decided not to this time. I figured I'd just see how she went.

It didn't go well.

Not because of my kid, but because of the hairdresser. She looked at Madd's hair, and said "I'm sorry, but I can't cut her hair today. She has nits."
I groaned, and explained to Madd that she had headlice and couldn't have her hair cut today. She didn't have a meltdown or get upset (although she did get an upset look on her face).

We went home, and treated her hair for lice. As I combed her hair out post-treatment, I was pulling out comb-fulls of......

Not eggs. Not lice.
Dandruff.

My first thought was "Crap. The eggs aren't coming out." But as I combed over her hair several thousand (not exaggerating here) more times, there was nothing coming out. And all I could see was dandruff.

All those days of not showering and weeks of refusing to wash her hair have taken their toll on her scalp. So I put her in the shower (forcibly, I had to pin her in the shower because she refused to shower - and with the de-lousing stuff in her hair she needed to wash it out and shampoo it), and washed her hair with anti-dandruff shampoo with antibacterial stuff in it too. So that should help.

So NEXT time I take her to the hairdresser, I must remember to warn them that she has dandruff and NOT lice.

Although I'll admit it was a relief that she didn't actually have lice.

Second Psych Session

    Another psych session done - the second appointment was all about Madd doing an IQ test. She hasn't finished it, she'll finish it next week- but from what the psych has seen, Madd is far beyond her years in some areas. So it will be interesting to see exactly what the IQ test shows. She has strengths in some areas, but she's behind in others.

     She's still happy at the new school, she was NOT impressed at me taking her out early today for her psych session. But at least there's only 3 more to go. Then we'll know exactly where her strengths and weaknesses lie, and where on the spectrum she is.

     It does make me think about her biological father - does autism run in his family? Would he have anything to contribute to Madd's life? Would he have been supportive, and understanding, or would he just not get it at all? Why did he walk away? How could you walk away from your own kid? Has anyone told him she has autism? Will he ever decide he wants to know her? And how will I feel if he ever does?

It doesn't help to delve back into the past, it brings more questions than answers.

One Week of School

   Madd's first week of school is done and dusted.
She has been made to feel so welcome, it's amazing how well she's adapted to the new school. She went around and met all the teachers. She's made friends.
     At her old school, she was told that she "wasn't allowed" to join the choir. Within a few days of being at the new school, she's joined their school choir. She is loving every second of school. If she doesn't finish her work, the teacher doesn't push her to finish it - because she knows that it totally stresses Madd out. As long as she knows that Madd knows how to do the work, it's no big deal. And the teacher can send work home if it really does need to be finished.

I'm super-happy at how the teacher just.... gets her. Without having to be educated, and without having to try. I'm super-happy that I don't have to stress about how her day has been, the teacher always makes time to speak to me about any issues or achievements that Madd has had during the day. She's more than happy to spend a few minutes chatting. She MAKES TIME for the kids in her class... and she's only the substitute teacher! I've heard great things about her regular teacher as well, so I'm really looking forward to seeing how her second week will go.

     She has her first school swimming lesson with the new school on Monday (must remember to pack her swimming gear!!!). With the way her behaviour was spiralling out of control at the old school, I wouldn't let her do the school swimming lessons this year. But now that she's totally settled and happy, I'm sure that there won't be any problems.

I had a great time catching up with a friend today (who, unfortunately wasn't very well), had a fantastic time - she's one of those people that you can go years and years without seeing and yet still find yourself slipping into a zone of comfort - you can talk about everything and anything, and laugh and joke. I'm hoping she'll come and stay for the weekend in a couple of weeks (she can't drive for medical reasons, so I'll go pick her up and bring her down for a couple of days). Hopefully she's feeling better soon.

Anyways, I better stop rabbiting on about stuff, and get to bed! Good night all :)

Psychologists and Confirmation

      Madd had her first psychologist appointment today. There's a few more before we receive her official diagnosis, but the psychologist says she DEFINITELY falls somewhere on the autism spectrum.
I wouldn't say that I'm happy that she has a disability, but I am very very glad that it's not all in my head. Not that I thought that there was a chance of that, but there was always doubt that they'd be able to see what I see.

The signs of autism in Madd can be very very subtle to other people. So I'm relieved that after only 45 minutes the psych could see the real Madd.

Unfortunately we still have another 5 weeks til diagnosis. Now that I know for SURE that she's on the spectrum, it's just a matter of time until we find out exactly where she is and what she'll need support with. Oh, and she has ADHD too - apparently she's very very hyperactive.

So we are now one giant leap closer to D-Day ... diagnosis day.

Autism Playdate

    Today I did something that was completely out of my comfort zone. I went to a place I've never been before to see people I'd never met, in a group. A LONG way out of my comfort zone.

I had a great time. It was at a fully-fenced primary school with 12-ft fences and high locks. The kids had an absolute ball - it's the first time Cooper's been able to go off and play without me worrying and keeping my eyes on him all the time. I spent the first hour being paranoid because I couldn't see him, and after I'd done a full lap of the school, I stopped worrying and started enjoying myself.

I met a few lovely ladies, and some awesome kids too. Madd didn't get into any fights or arguments, and really enjoyed herself. She was exhausted and happy to leave by the end of it, but she was in a happy mood for the entire afternoon and night, AND went to bed when she was asked!!! Miracles all round.
For once, there were no mean kids picking on her, or telling her that she's weird. She fit right in, and had a great time. All the kids were lovely to her, and I'm really really grateful. VERY glad that we went.

I enjoyed having a chat to the mums, especially L who had a boy and a girl, and P who had a boy and two girls, and M who had 2 girls. All the kids were lovely, and amazing kids.
The day went without a hitch - only a few minor meltdowns from the kids, which is pretty darn good! My kid went the entire day without a single meltdown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *happy dance*
Although, when we got home she spent 3 hours straight watching TV (her anti-social chillax-time, which was well deserved after she was so fantastic today). I can't remember the last time her anxiety was so low - it's a nice feeling to be accepted and have nice kids around, I guess.

I'm super-glad that we went - it's nice to have a chat to other parents who "get it". Who don't judge your kid and say "Are you sure she's autistic?" or "But she seems so normal"... people who get that what they see isn't the whole picture. And all the ladies were lovely and down-to-earth. I've never felt more at ease around people. I felt comfortable, which NEVER happens around people I don't know!!

Can't wait for the next get-together.

Yet Another Surprising Day

    The last few days have been full-on.
It was my birthday on Tuesday, so I went out shopping with Mum for the day, and then went down to Mum's until late this morning. The kids were a nightmare; Cooper is teething, Madd's being challenging, and I have had bugger-all sleep. Coop decided, on Wednesday morning, that it was a great idea to get up at 4:45am, and refused to go back to sleep until around 11am - he then slept for 3 1/2 hours straight. Fortunately this morning it was a 7am start.

     Coop has been on Nurofen the last few days - he started hitting himself in the head and screaming, so I took that to mean that he had a pretty bad headache. He seemed so much better after Nurofen, but then he was extremely hyperactive and moody. He was hitting, kicking, and being generally difficult. So I'm kinda glad to be home where he's more comfortable (not to mention Ash being here too!).

     Madd's been pretty quiet since we got back, but happy. We took the kids and the dog to the park today - Madd rode her bike (the way-too-small one that she's comfortable riding, she won't ride anything bigger), Cooper ran (and I mean RAN the entire lap of the huge park).  We got back, had dinner, and then the kids went off to Madd's room to play.

B I G    mistake.

     Ash went in to get Cooper to put him to bed.
"Jen, can you come here?" I hear him yell down the hallway. Uh oh.

I go in, and Madd has decided to run her Blustik (glue stick that's blue) over every inch of her desk AND her desk chair. Crap crap crap.
I knew that telling her off would do absolutely nothing. So I did the only thing I could think of doing - I reached for the toys I spotted first - her Barbies... I snapped 3 of her Barbies in half, saying "If you treat your things like crap, we will too." I picked the not-real-Barbie ones, since the Barbie ones are better quality.
She burst into tears - REAL tears, not the hysterical ones of frustration. I think I may have actually got through to her this time.

I set her up with a bowl of warm water and a Chux, she's now scrubbing the glue off the desk. I don't really care if it takes her all night - she needs to feel the consequences of what she does.

Thank you, readers

    Tonight I received some feedback about my blog - I've had a few people say they really enjoy reading it. I'm glad. I never know whether my blog is interesting or not, so it's nice to hear that at least a few people are reading it.

Writing a blog takes a lot of guts - anything that you blog about can be used in the real world against you. Everything I write on here can change people's views about me. I write about my depression, about Madd's issues and provisional diagnosis of Aspergers and ADHD. About any issues or challenges I'm facing, as well as the happy times. I only write when I really feel like it, if I don't write every day it's because I don't feel I have anything to say.

I write about things that most people wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with everyone. I feel that depression is something that needs to be talked about, because if there's a stigma against it no one will seek help when they really do need it. I have been condemned for needing medication, I've been told that it's "evil", and that I shouldn't take it. It doesn't work for everyone, but it does work wonders for me. I'm more rational, and less manic (no big ups and downs). I recently wrote about menstrual cups, a topic that VERY few people would want to talk about! But I believe that more women should know about how amazing they are.

I'm going to do a blog entry on hair removal next, I think (shaving, waxing, sanding, etc), which will hopefully be informative and helpful for some.

So for those who have given me feedback, thank you. Good or bad, it's all appreciated.

 xxx

Jen

Pimples in the nose HURT!

   So Madd has been complaining about a sore nose for a few days. She's been going on and on about it, and we looked and couldn't see anything on the outside or inside. So we just put it down to her being a pain.
WRONG.

Today I looked in her nose, and nearly fell over - MASSIVE pimple in her nose. It was the biggest pimple I've ever seen, and I've had a lot of pimples in my nearly-29 (next Tuesday!) years. So I said to Madd that we needed to pop it. The easiest and least painful way is to prick the white tip with a pin, and drain out the pus and blood. That releases the pressure and stops it from hurting. So naturally, Madd being Madd, completely flipped out.

I said we could do it gently without the pin, but she would NOT let me near it. And so I figured, instead of waiting for it to pop by itself and having her in pain with it for a few more days, that I'd pin her down and pop it. I don't know what I'm going to do with her when she's older, because she's very very strong. Fortunately, I'm very stubborn and there was no way I was going to let her get away without me popping it. So I pinned her down on the floor and popped it with the pin. She was screaming the whole time, but stopped when she realised I'd popped it without her feeling a thing.

The bad part? So much pus!!! I didn't realise that much pus could come out of one pimple. I really didn't want it going down the back of her nose, so I tried to use a tissue (while pinning her arms down and her head still) to drain the rest out.4 tissues later, the pus was finally out. It didn't bleed all that much, but there was so much pus!! Really really gross, and not what I'd planned on doing today. But, it was all worth it because now she's calm and happy and her nose doesn't hurt any more.

Another fun day in the House of Little Horrors :)

Hello to new school, goodbye to old school

    Madd had her orientation at the new school yesterday morning from 8:45am until 11:15am. She got to meet some really nice kids in her class, one girl in particular. She keeps talking about this one kid like she's known her for years. So it's nice to see that she's made a friend already.

     I took Madd for a McDonalds lunch between visiting the new school and her last afternoon at the old school. When I dropped her off to the old school, the teacher's first comment was "Oh, she's out of uniform". I didn't want to alienate her at the new school by having her old uniform on, and the new school had an out of uniform day. And I didn't see the point in getting her changed for 2 1/2 hours of old-school. So she went out of uniform. Her teacher has always been very condescending toward me, and it frustrates the hell out of me. I'm sorry that this teacher was her last experience at the old school - unfortunately Madd's changing schools happened while her regular teacher was away on holiday. I'll have to make sure I take her back to the old school to say goodbye to her regular teacher.

     Madd's new teacher is very nice - she seemed quite interested in everything I could tell her about Madd. So I'm really happy about the new school, and I really feel like we've made the right decision. I'm very glad that she's so happy to go to the new school, after so many months of school refusal at the old school.

Today we went out to Ballarat to visit my youngest sister and her 3 kids. The kids had a great time playing together, and it was nice to see her and the kids again. I don't see them as often as I'd like, and we only stayed for a few hours - but I knew Madd wouldn't last much longer than that without having a meltdown. We managed to survive the whole day without a major meltdown, only one little tantrum that was easily averted.

On the down-side, when we got back home I realised she has another stye in the same eye but the top eyelid this time. It burst with her rubbing it so much, so hopefully it'll stay gone. Lots of blood and pus, and her eye is very swollen. I'm hoping it goes away on its own, because she's staying with Mum the next few days. Tuesday night I pick her up, and then Wednesday taking Madd and Kayla to the Royal Melbourne Show.

Should be a good school holidays :)

Birthday Excursion for Madd

    So Madd is off to Puffing Billy tomorrow with a friend. I'm very nervous about sending her by herself without me - the parents are good family friends, so I trust them more than most with my kids. But... it's Madd. She's really looking forward to going, and I'll enjoy the break from her; but I'm nervous.

I'm not sure what I'm worried about.
She could go missing - well, that's not a huge deal. She'd turn up eventually.
She could have a meltdown - the parents have seen Madd in full meltdown mode, and know how to handle her.
She could get anxious and upset - well she probably won't let it out until she gets home, in which case it's not a catastrophe.

I don't know what I'm concerned about - she'll be fine, I know she will.
I guess I'm most worried that she could go missing - it wouldn't be the first time. But she's turned up every time. I'll have to keep extra busy tomorrow so that I don't think about it!

Eye drops and Aspergers

      So Madd had a stye, and it's now burst. The doctor gave her a script for eye drops, which have to be administered every 3 hours *sigh*
So I've taken the week off to stay home and go to the school twice a day at 12 and 3 and put the eye drops in.  I have to pin her down, because she won't voluntarily take them. I tried to reason with her, and get her to let me put them in, but even with a teachers' assistant talking to her, she wouldn't do it. So I took her into the empty staff room and pinned her on the floor and put the drops in.

      As I carried Madd back to class from the staff room (she clung to me, and so I comforted her by carrying her down to the classroom), she calmed down. As we entered the classroom, her teacher pipes up and says, "Oh, you've got a baby there", meaning that Madd was being a baby. I'm really angry at that stupid, thoughtless comment. I have a hard enough time getting her to do what needs to be done, and when she shows emotion I'm not going to call her a baby. I am extremely angry right now.

Will be interesting to see how we go with the eye drops at 3pm. School doesn't finish til 3:30, and then she's going to afterschool care - I'm trying to keep as much routine as I can during the next 2 weeks before she changes schools. I'm not going to my class tonight, since there's no way Mum will be able to administer the eye drops.  At least my teacher is okay about it. It's one of those times I'm glad I don't have a job, because if I was missing this much paid work I'd be getting in trouble.

Welcome back, Happiness

    It occurred to me today, while having coffee with a friend, that I'm happy again.
After only a short few weeks of being back on medication for my depression, I'm much much happier. It's not happened all of a sudden, but it's only really sunk in today. The last few times I've visited this particular friend, I've felt very depressed and like the world is caving in on me. Which with Madd's upcoming diagnosis of Aspergers or Autism, her being bullied at school, pressures of study, 3 days a week of placement, AND an ill-tempered 2 year old, it's not surprising that life's been getting to me. I'm glad that I was able to recognise the signs of my mental demise, and act. So many people out there with depression can't or won't admit they need help, and it's a real shame - because the results are fantastic when you seek help!

    Admittedly, I haven't been to placement in 2 weeks. After having this coming week off, it will be 3 weeks. Unfortunately, with placement being unpaid work and us having bills and rent to pay (not to mention saving for a second car), Ash can't afford to take time off. So again I miss placement. Madd has a stye (an eye infection), so she has to have eye drops every 3 hours. Since the school can't legally pin her down and administer them, she'll have to stay home so that I can do it. She refuses to take them, she just panicks and totally freaks out. So I sit on her, pinning her arms by her side. Then I clamp her head and administer the eye drops. Then I get off her and leave her to melt down. She does eventually calm down; about 2 minutes after the eye drops are in, she'll sit and cuddle me. Then she goes back to whatever she was doing. She's not thrilled about the eye drops, but the doctor explained to her that if she doesn't take them (and the antibiotics), she'll be put into hospital and have an IV drip in her arm. She doesn't like that idea. So, although she fights for the eye drops not to be done, she's well aware of what will happen if she doesn't.

    So this week will be spent with me trying to get Madd to get some maths and english work done in the workbooks we have here. She's not going to sit around and watch TV all day just because of a sore eye. She still has to learn something while she's home.

I feel bad for missing 3 weeks of placement, but at the end of the day it's unpaid experience; and I'm there to learn; since I'm not employed, I'm not really letting them down. I'm looking forward to going back, but I've also been extremely busy with my time off; dealing with a toddler with a cold for almost 2 weeks, then me being sick, now Madd's eye issues. Having a really bad run at the moment, but I'm coping quite well.

THANK YOU, Zoloft, for saving my sanity.

Product Review - Lunette Menstrual Cup

For those guys who were silly enough to click on this post, seriously - for your own good, don't read any further.



 I absolutely HATE having my period. It's icky, and I always leak. So when I first discovered menstrual cups a few days ago, I started researching them.
I couldn't find any bad reviews - there wasn't a single person who's tried them that didn't keep using them. And no one seemed to have anything really bad to say about them.

     So I took a chance and ordered one online. I chose the Lunette menstrual cup, based on the fact it was under $50. It seemed like a good one, so I went with it. I paid extra for Express Post, and it arrived the very next day - very impressive.

    The product itself is... interesting.
The reviews seemed to indicate that it's trickier to remove it than insert it. So I tried it.
I ended up having to cut the stem off right at the bottom, because it dug into my lady parts. Once I removed the stem, it feels much better. Not exactly comfortable, but I'm sure I'll get used to it. The suction works quite well, and not too hard to get it out either. Seems to be a much better alternative to pads or tampons.

After 24 hours of having the cup, I can happily blog about it and say it's amazing. I would recommend it to EVERYONE!! For the first time, I woke up comfortable in the morning. There was no rush to get up and get changed, and no leakage!

I ended up turning the cup inside-out after I cut off the stem. No discomfort, I barely notice that the thing is in there. Very very happy with my purchase!

Depression and Women's Business

     Well I haven't been myself for quite awhile. With Madd's upcoming diagnosis next month, and being bullied at placement, the massive workload at TAFE and dealing with a tantruming 2 year old and a melting-down 6 year old who is about to change schools, I've been very stressed and anxious. I hadn't realised just how depressed I'd been until I started thinking about getting in the car and leaving. Then I realised I couldn't do that, and the suicidal thoughts started. THAT was when I decided that I needed help.

     So I went to one of my 2 usual doctors clinics. Apparently THAT one didn't have any record of my depression or medication. I went in there feeling suicidal and bawling my eyes out and asking for medication, and the doctor stone-faced told me there was nothing he could do and I had to fill out a questionnaire and come back in a week. So... I left feeling extremely angry. Truth be told, I function much better on anger than depression. So I made an appointment with my OTHER usual clinic, and got the medication and a referral to see a psychologist. The same one I saw after I had Coop, since I figured she knows me already and that should speed up the process of figuring out how to help me help myself.

     So, after nearly 2 weeks of being on medication, I haven't forgotten a single dose - I've done really really well. And, although my sex drive and brain function has dropped (very well-known side-effects of the medication), I'm functioning a lot better. I have a lot of "stupid moments" where I say or do something that makes people go "what is wrong with you??". But overall, I feel better. Even with having a cold, being home for 2 weeks with a sick toddler, and dealing with Madd's meltdowns because she doesn't want to go to school, I'm feeling pretty darn good.

     ALRIGHT GUYS - if you're a guy, stop reading here. SERIOUSLY. Don't read any further! Womens Business!






     I HATE having my period. When ToM (Time of the Month) comes to visit, I'm a bitch. I hate dealing with it, and the leakage that always happens no matter how many pads/tampons you use.
So after reading up on menstrual cups, I've decided to buy one. It's made of silicon, and the idea is that when you push it up into your lady parts, it forms a seal and catches all the blood. Then you empty it (about every 12 hours), and reinsert it and go again for the next 12 hours. I'm looking forward to seeing if it works.
Apparently putting it IN is quite easy. Taking it OUT, however, is apparently quite tricky since you need to break the seal that holds it in. I will post an update after it's arrived and I've tried it out - for those of you who hate tampons and pads and all that "stuff", I'd recommend you try a cup. There's not a single person I've found who's been brave enough to try it and hasn't kept using it. They're well worth it. Not to mention a LOT cheaper. A $50 cup will last you years, instead of $10-$20 per month on pads and tampons. And it's the "green" option. Very hippy of me, but we'll see how we go :)

My Rant

my rant for today -

I'm sick of school teachers that just don't understand. My child has social-emotional issues, and she's being assessed for Aspergers... she can't sit with one of the kids in her class - they can't even be on the same table, or there's nasty things said by him to my kid, and then she retalliates with either words or her fists. Issue last week was that he cut her jumper. THIS week, the art teacher (who knows they can't sit together) had them sitting at the same table, and he told her that she had a fat ugly face. So my kid comes home and melts down so badly that I end up giving her the next day off school so that she can have a break from him. Soooo angry. AND the teacher is supposed to write in her communication book every day (since she's in afterschool care 3 times a week), and didn't bother yet again. Very glad we made the decision to change her to another school next term.

WHY, when an issue is known, does the teacher insist on putting her with this kid???????
The last time they were sat together, Madd told the teacher she wasn't allowed to sit with him, and the teacher told her that she had to sit with him. I'm so angry. This is the main reason behind her not wanting to go to school any more.

I look forward to her leaving this school and going to a school where they understand her.

Moving Schools - The Journey

     The new school that Madd is going to doesn't have an on-site uniform shop - they do all their uniform sales through a schoolwear outlet. So this morning the kids and I headed there to pick up a couple of things for Madd.

      We bought 3 items - a bomber jacket, a polo shirt and a dress. $115 later, we were out of there.
I couldn't believe the price, it seemed outrageous. I then spent $8 on a pair of track pants for her - so she has two sets of uniforms; a dress, and a pair of pants and polo shirt. That will have to do her for now, since we can't afford to go buying much more than that at the moment. It's proving to be an expensive change, but I'm sure it will be worth it.

Cooper was getting a cold last Sunday, so I took last week off school and placement. Toward Wednesday and Thursday, he seemed a lot better. Now today he's done almost nothing but sleep. He slept in the car, he slept after lunch, he got up and drank a bottle and took himself back to bed within half an hour. He's still asleep now. So I'm not sure if I'll be back at placement again on Monday like I'm supposed to be. I can't send him to childcare if he's not well, so there may be a few more quiet days at home for us.

MONDAY:

Well, Cooper is STILL sick. Hoping he'll be better by Wednesday so I can get back to placement. Otherwise I won't finish my time there until next year, which would be REALLY bad. I'm hoping to be able to go back to work next year, at least part-time. I've got a lot of housework to catch up on today, so I really don't mind missing placement. I managed to get some food shopping done this morning, the first time in ages. Feels like Cooper's been sick forever.  At least the house will be clean by the end of today. I may even have a few meals in the freezer too - depending on how much motivation I can find today. It really is too nice a day to be inside all day.

Madd went to school today, although she's kinda out-of-uniform. I couldn't find a school t-shirt for her, I think the only one she's got left is long-sleeved and hiding somewhere. So she wore a tshirt to school (not even the right colour). It was hard enough to get her to not wear her NEW school uniform to the almost-ex school. The next few weeks with her will be tough, but at least it'll be over in a few weeks and she can have a 2 week holiday and then attend the new school.

A Decision Is Made

    Well we've made a possibly life-changing decision for Madd - at the end of this year, she is going to change schools. Her school is a great little school, but it's just not a great fit for her. The new school has on-site counselling, an aide that floats around the school wherever she's needed, and they seem like a really ASD-friendly school. All the kids seemed happy (other than the one who fell over but was comforted by not only the Assistant Principal but another teacher and quite a few kids). It seems like a nice little school, and a very good fit for Madd.

     I haven't told her school that she's leaving yet. I'll tackle that one tomorrow when I drop her off. But I'm super-excited. I think the final decision was made easy by the fact that Madd seemed so happy and settled while we were there, and she hasn't been stressed out this afternoon either. She stayed home from school today so that we could take her to see her possible-new-school.

     They run a "transition program" in November/December, so we have to make sure she's enrolled by November. She really wants to change schools, she said "I know there could be mean people at the new school, but there's really mean kids at my school now." So she wants to move, and she does understand that she won't be with the same kids. I'm glad Ash is now on board, I really feel it's the right choice for her.

So tomorrow I'll speak to the school about her moving at the end of the year.
I know we've made the right decision.
Haven't told the in-laws yet, but my mum thinks it's a great idea.

Lack-Of-Communication Book

    So much for Madd having a communication book.
I finally found out from Madd today that her teacher told them a few weeks ago that she was going away on holiday for the rest of term. I'm really really angry that I wasn't personally told - either by phone, in person or via her communication book. Nothing was mentioned until after the teacher had already left.

    So off to the school on Thursday to talk to the school about a couple of things.
The first one is the most important - the teacher has to write any upcoming changes in the commbook; like when they're going on holiday, having days off, etc so that I can talk them through with Madd and at least understand why she's highly anxious.

   The second one is that I don't want her having the same teacher next year. She's had the same teacher 2 years in a row, and is very attached to her. I don't want her to get too attached, she needs to adjust to a new teacher each year. I hate to think how attached she'll be after 3 years if she's so attached after 2 years.

Still off to see another school on Thursday, so we'll see what Madd and Ash both think about it.

What to do when the substitute teacher is awesome?

    So I'm really really impressed with how the substitute teacher is handling Madd. I'm starting to regret my haste to condemn her. We sat down and had a meeting with her and the vice principal, and it was the most productive and best meeting we've had since she started school. I feel like I was listened to, I felt like I listened, and we worked together for what was best for Madd.

     I'm not sure how I feel about Madd's regular teacher. She's a lovely lady, very calm and relaxed - which I thought was good for Madd. And Madd seems to respond really well to her.

But the last few weeks, Madd has been melting down almost every day after school, and every weekend. So I don't know where to go from here.

    Madd's behaviour has been so erratic the last few weeks, and I'm not sure what's causing it. Is it just the anxiety of having a different teacher? She says she misses Mrs H, but says the substitute is great too. So.... how do I cope with Madd's behaviour at the moment? She's totally stressed out.

Scripting

     So I've just had a realisation. When Madd gets stressed or angry, she quotes movies. In the autism world, it's referred to as "scripting". Some kids do nothing but script. It's their only form of communication, and it can be quite effective.

     Today she got angry because she couldn't watch a movie (she physically couldn't, something was being recorded and we couldn't do both). She screamed profanities,  kicked a chair, and yelled at me "I can't do ANYTHING right, CAN I"... a quote from Sarah (Jennifer Connelly) in Labyrinth.
She's quoted quite a few other movies, but this is one of her favourites.

Another thing that I should mention to the psych in October.

    

Clear As Mud

   So I know that I can be as clear as mud sometimes. I'm not very good at verbalising what I'm trying to say. But I AM very good at writing it down. So here goes....

    I love my kids. I'm glad I have them. But I don't want any more. Not because my body hates pregnancy. Not because we can't afford it. Not because I don't love the ones I have. But because I need to know that I can have enough time and energy to focus on my kids. I'm happy with the 2 we have, but there won't be any more.

    I don't want to move Madd's school. I want the school to step up and realise that Madd has unique needs, and with a few very-small changes she could do really well. But I am open to the possibility of moving Madd's school if the school doesn't step up.

    I want a second car. Not because we "need" it. I need it. I need to know that, at any time, I have a car here. If one of the kids falls over and we need to get to the hospital, I need to know that there's a car we can jump in to get there. I need to have that freedom.

     I want to work in the field of disability. Not because "it's hard work but I can do it", or because I am good at it. I want to do it because I enjoy helping people. I enjoy working with people with disabilities - in a general sense, they're friendly and honest people who don't judge things that you do or say. And they don't expect you to be perfect, and they expect you to understand that they're not either. They want to be treated like equals, and I want that too.

    I am very bad at verbalising my thoughts. I'm extremely good at typing them. I remember word-for-word what people say, but I don't hear the "subtle" parts. If someone really isn't up for a visitor and they say "Oh, I'm not well and I wouldn't be much company"... that doesn't work for me. Saying "I'm not well so I'd rather we rescheduled?" That works really really well. I like honesty. Honesty I can understand, I'm not great at subtle.

    I've just finished the Fifty Shades books. Loved every word. Because every little thing is explained in detail. Every hesitation of the character, what they're thinking and feeling - all laid out clearly. I like that in a book. Plus the fact it's literotica kinda makes it that bit more entertaining.

So... that's my pensive thoughts for the day.

Changing Schools

     I'm preparing to change Madd's school if we have to.
I love the school she's at, it's a small community and small school. It's a wonderful school if you have a neurotypical child.

However....

There's one child that Madd can't sit with or work with. They can't even be in the same group. They stir each other, and punches end up getting thrown. The regular teacher knows this. But it seems like, although the message is being passed on to her other teachers, they're not heeding the warning. It's not really a warning, it's more like a huge red neon sign that's flashing ***DANGER***. Madd's jumper got cut, and punches got thrown between the two of them.  She also gets very stressed when she's made to work with him. We finally got her to the point where she's able to verbalise to the teacher that she can't work with him, but the teacher still said that she had to. That is a point that will be made at our meeting with the school this afternoon.

   Now I thought Ash was on board with moving her schools if we absolutely had to.
Now this morning we get into a massive argument over that... he threw up the line that "No matter what, I don't think she should move schools."
Hang on there... earlier this week you were saying that you were on board with this if it had to happen. Now you're saying it doesn't?
 So I try for further clarification.

Apparently if the school states that there's nothing more they can do to make her school life easier, and they state that they'll keep treating Madd's "defiance" (it's her way of saying she's stressed about something, and you need to ask her what's wrong to get it out of her) as bad behaviour and punishing her, THEN we can move her schools.

I'm not talking about moving her schools now. I'm not even talking about it being a definite.
I'm just asking that we keep the possibility open if we believe it's in her best interests, and maybe another school will handle her issues in a different way - in the way that works.

But for now, it's a subject that we just cannot agree on. 

Response to Email to the Principal

Apparently I misunderstood what the teacher was saying.
I'm not sure HOW I misunderstood, as I quoted in the email back to the principal word-for-word what the teacher had said.

Now this particular teacher I have GREAT respect for. She's a lovely lady, firm but fair, and is a wonderful teacher.

But....

She doesn't understand Aspergers. Which makes it so much harder for my child.
We have a meeting with her and the assistant principal on Friday after school.

Letter To The Principal

The email I sent last night to the school principal (all identifying details have been removed)

Hi *insert principal's name*,

I met with *insert substitute teacher's name* this afternoon, and was very disappointed in what she had to say.

 I was really hopeful when she wrote in Madd's communication book that she wanted to meet with me after school the next day, and have a chat about Madd. Things did NOT go the way I wanted - I was hoping to fill her in about Madd's issues, triggers and needs, but instead I got told that she'd been defiant all day, and that it was a normal reaction for a kid with a substitute teacher and NOT at all related to her Aspergers.

She then went on to say that she kept Madd in at lunchtime because of her behaviour. I was so stunned with everything she said that I didn't say anything in response, she then had to hurry off to a staff meeting. Now that I've had a chance to process it, I'm writing to  you.

The way I explained Madd's Aspergers and ADHD to Madd is by saying that there's something in her that makes her have trouble with sitting still sometimes, and trouble understanding people and making friends and playing like most kids. I also explained to her that she needs to learn how to sit still and listen and play with others nicely, and that we'd all help her to learn how to.
When Madd tried explaining that to the teacher after being told she was being "defiant" (she was reacting to social problems with a friend at playtime and hadn't told the teacher - she may not have even realised that she should say that she was still stressing about it), the teacher said to her that she was wrong, and that there's nothing going on in her head and that she needs to make better choices.I know my kid needs to learn how to "behave", but her behaviour was a reaction to her being stressed at playtime. Her behaviour was her way of saying "I'm stressed about something and I need you to pry it out of me".

THE TEACHER also said that Madd's behaviour was "not Aspergers behaviour", it was just her behaviour. It's comments like this that are really frustrating to a parent whose child needs extra understanding. I won't excuse bad behaviour if it is indeed that (such as a tantrum demanding ice cream or a playdate or something), but Madd's behaviour was her reaction to stress - and while she needs to learn to handle it, it's a slow process of teaching her other ways to cope. Telling me that it's not related to her Aspergers is a very closed-minded and uneducated comment. Everything Madd does is related to her Aspergers, it's a part of who she is and how she thinks and feels.
It's very easy to dismiss Madd's behaviour as being "bad" or "defiant". Unfortunately, it's not always that cut-and-dry, particularly with Madd. She's shown marked improvement since we implemented some strategies that usually work with Aspie kids. I didn't want to wait the extra 3 months for the formal diagnosis before implementing strategies that may help both her and her teacher/s. I know that until we get the formal diagnosis, there's only much the school can do - but understanding attitudes and trying different ways of handling her can make a huge difference!

However, this is made incredibly difficult when Madd is being punished for things that are beyond her control. She needs patience and understanding, not punishment.

I've attached a document for your perusal, to be handed out to staff if you believe it would be helpful. I believe it would be incredibly helpful. Like I said, it's easy to dismiss Madd's behaviour as bad or defiant, but there really is more to it.

Sorry about the massively long email, but I'm better at explaining myself in email rather than in person. Plus she's in afterschool care for the next 2 days.

Thanks,

Jenna

Substitute Teacher

Madd has a substitute teacher for 4 weeks. Madd informed me of this on Friday when I asked why her communication book hadn't been written in. "You told me to give it to Mrs H, but Mrs H is away on holiday until next term." Gotta love literal kids :/
    So I wrote a note in it for the teacher who's taking over for the next 4 weeks.

 I was really hopeful when she wrote in Madd's communication book that she wanted to meet with me after school the next day, and have a chat about Madd. Things did NOT go the way I wanted - I was hoping to fill her in about Madd's issues, triggers and needs, but instead I got told that she'd been defiant all day, and that it was a normal reaction for a kid with a substitute teacher and NOT related to her Aspergers. She then went on to say that she kept Madd in at lunchtime because of her behaviour. UGH!!!! I was so stunned with everything she said that I didn't say anything. Then she practically kicked me out to get to a staff meeting on time. Not impressed. Ash is going to talk to her on Friday, and if she's not receptive to what he says he's going to talk to the principal straight after. She told me that she "didn't have time" to write in the communication book every day, and that there was no point - if there was any issues, she'd definitely write them in.  The way I explained her Aspergers and ADHD to her is by saying that there's something in her that makes her have trouble with sitting still sometimes, and trouble understanding people and making friends and playing like most kids. When Madd tried explaining that to the teacher after being told she was being "defiant" (she was reacting to social problems with a friend at playtime and didn't tell the teacher), the teacher said to her that it was crap and that she needs to make better choices. EXCUSE ME?? I know my kid needs to learn how to "behave", but her behaviour was a reaction to her being stressed at playtime!!! WHY can't the stupid fricking teacher just understand that Madd is NOT like other kids, even though she often seems like them. Her behaviour was her way of saying "I'm stressed about something and I need you to pry it out of me". Soooo angry right now.

Autism isn't real - it's just parents making excuses for bad parenting

    Yes, this is my blog today. I am, by the way, AGAINST the title. Not for it.
I can't believe that some people honestly believe that Autism, Depression, ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder), ADD, ADHD and a lot of other disorders are being disbelieved. There's a few things being said that I don't agree with:

"Every kid's got some diagnosis these days"

"What have you got to be depressed about?" (depression is a chemical imbalance, NOT a mood)

"She's autistic? But she looks so normal" (so you'd prefer my kid to do the typical autistic hand-flapping and spinning instead of going on and on and on about her latest obsession?)

"Maybe you should pay less attention to *insert sibling's name here* and more attention to her" (this one came straight from my mother)

"The kid just needs a damn good smack"

"Send him to me for a couple of days, I'll sort him out"

"Autism's caused by vaccines you know... did you vaxx your child?" (of course I did - because the autism study linking vaccines to autism were falsified... there IS no link between current vaccines and autism)

"But she has great eye contact" (yes, but she has too MUCH eye contact - she'll stare you down if she knows you well, and she has no concept of personal space)


All these frustrating things are NOT what a parent needs to hear.
Pre-diagnosis, there isn't much you can say, other than to listen and be supportive.
DON'T say "are you sure he has autism? surely he'll just catch up when he's ready"
It's hard enough to admit that something is NQR with your child. Please don't make us re-doubt ourselves.

DO be there for us. Bring cake, have coffee with us. Feel free to talk about things other than autism/ODD/whatever else. Do be unconditionally supportive and understanding that our child/children may not behave as you'd expect them to. Like most parents, we're doing the best we can.

It INFURIATES me that some people are STILL so ignorant to disabilities. If someone's in a wheelchair and nonverbal, most assume their intelligence is affected. I have a friend whom I've known since we were little kids, and he's one of the smartest people I know. Nonverbal and in a wheelchair doesn't mean stupid or illiterate, or any number of other things you might think. He's an amazing guy that I'm proud to know. Bloody good sense of humour too. Non-verbal just means that he communicates in other ways. Facial expressions, and most of our conversations are yes/no or assisted by a book of words for him to point to.

And if someone's child is running amok in the supermarket and stimming, or spinning, or making weird noises, or suddenly runs off? Don't assume bad behaviour. Don't judge. Parents who belt their kids for no good reason and yell and swear at them? Judge THEM, not us who are trying to do the best we can with what we've got.


END RANT.
Thanks for reading

frustration, violence, and substitute teachers

     Gotta LOVE it when the teacher goes away on holiday. She told the kids, but didn't think to tell ME about it. I'm glad the kids were warned, especially with Madd's issues with change; but I really should have been made aware.

     Madd was in good spirits when I picked her up from school, I checked her communication book and found no entry. I asked her about it, and her response was "You told me to give it to Mrs H, but Mrs H is on holidays for a couple of weeks." Whoopsie, my mistake for not making a script for days when Mrs H is away.

      She chatted away to me, but then half way home she told me that a boy (M) at school, cut her jumper today. I pulled the car over straight away, and we sat and had a quick chat about it. It turns out that M and Madd constantly argue and niggle at each other until it escalates out of control, and Mrs H knows this issue and separates them. After showing me the cut jumper, she said matter-of-factly "And I punched him. I got in trouble from the teacher." Ohhhh crap.

     So we turned the car around and headed back to the school. We met with the principal, who was great as always in dealing with me when I have issues that need to be addressed. He's very calm and relaxed, but makes you feel like you've been taken seriously.

     I then found out tonight from the parent of one of Madd's friends that she's been getting violent in the yard at playtime. When she gets frustrated or upset, she lashes out; and on one occasion, she's punched her friend in the back.  I've explained to Madd that it's not okay to hit when you get frustrated - it's better to go tell the teacher that something's bothering you.

     So I've written it all down in her communication book for the substitute teacher to deal with. I've given her a heads-up on some of Madd's triggers and how to handle them. Hopefully next week will be as smooth as it can be, considering her teacher is away.

We Have a Communication Book

    I wasn't sure how well the idea would be embraced. I was in half-minds as to whether we needed a Communication Book or not. For those who don't know, a Communication Book goes from home to school. Ideally, notes are written in it each day. That way the teacher knows how Madd's been at home, and I know about any issues that arise at school.

    Today I wrote my first note in it. Letting the teacher know how Madd had been the night before and that morning, and about how I hoped that this book would help us communicate since Madd is now in afterschool care 3 days a week.

     I got it back today with a note letting me know that she'd had a MUCH better day than yesterday, but that she has an ongoing issue with a particular boy in the class with whom she clashes constantly. They sit and niggle at each other until it escalates. The teacher has recognised the problem and has permanently separated them in class. It's nice to know these things. It also lets me know that I should have a better time tonight with Madd, since she had a calm day at school.

It's just nice to know what happens with her at school, it's opened the lines of communication a bit more.

Another Shit Day

Anddddddddd after a weekend of nothing but meltdowns, Madd was made to stand up at the end of school and apologise to her whole class. She was apparently sitting there and poking anyone who was sitting near her, and annoying them. Apparently she spent most of today annoying the rest of her class. Her excuse? She was bored and was sick of sitting on the mat. She has a provisional dx of ADHD and Aspergers. How do I handle this?? I sent her with sensory toys a couple of months ago, but she had them taken off her for "mucking around with them" (she was swinging one of them around and it was dangerous for others around her). The teacher has said to Madd that it's "bad behaviour, and if she does it tomorrow she'll be sent to the principal's office".
Should they be more understanding, or are they on the right track? It's so hard to distinguish naughty behaviour from needing help and intervention. She knows that annoying the other kids is wrong, but what if she really couldn't help it because she needed to get off that mat and COULDNT rather than WOULDNT sit still?? Advice and opinions needed please! All comments welcome.

I don't know how I should be handling this. I've always assumed that she can control her "bad behaviour", but what if she genuinely can't? Should the school be trying other options, of maybe giving her some time-out in another part of the school? Maybe sending her to the principal's office would give her the time-out she needs??

I'm devastated, because we've now had 5 days of meltdowns (other than while she was with mum for 12 hours). Those 12 hours, she wasn't made to do anything. She could do whatever she wanted, and didn't have to go to bed on time or brush her teeth or get dressed on time.

So what do I do? I really am at a loss as to what to expect from her, and how much of her behaviour is under her control.

My life at the moment - anxiety, depression, bullying, autism, and ... everything else

    I know, not a very catchy blog title.
Anxiety, depression, bullying, autism and everything else.

Anxiety depression and bullying all relate to me. I have major anxiety at the moment, to the point that I had a panic attack on Thursday because I didn't want to face the bullying that I'm copping at placement at the moment.

There's a lady at the place I'm doing my TAFE placement who is giving me a hard time. Not to my face, mind you - behind my back. This is bullying of the WORST kind. She has said things in a staff meeting about me, complete and utter lies. Saying that I was being "unprofessional" (I won't give more detail, it's insulting). So I'm quite upset. She also put me in a position that could have injured a client or myself, because she asked me to do something that she was well aware of me not knowing how to do. Then when she was questioned by another staff member, she rudely replied that she was coming back to help me. It was quite clear to both myself and the other staff member that she wasn't.

So between that and the lies she's spreading about me, I'm feeling very stressed. I know that her opinion and lies don't mean anything, and it shouldn't be getting to me.
But with my history of depression, it's getting to me quite a lot.
But I think the main reason I'm having issues with it more than I should be is because I don't understand why she's doing it. I mean, I don't know her. I've never met her before. I haven't done anything wrong, or been rude to her, or done ANYTHING that could have upset or angered her.

So I'm having panic attacks now. I don't even get PAID for placement, it's all volunteer time for my course. Because the lies about me were told at a staff meeting (I obviously wasn't at that meeting because I'm not paid staff), I shouldn't know about them. A few people in the meeting were concerned about me, I haven't been looking "happy" at work, I've looked pretty miserable some days apparently, even though I've tried to look happy despite everything that's going on. So they told me what had been said in the meeting.

Since then, I haven't been handling things very well. I think it's because things have been said about me to the WHOLE STAFF that I wasn't aware of. The fact that the boss didn't call me into the office to speak to me means that the boss either doesn't believe this woman or doesn't think it's a big deal.

I reported the safety incident to the boss last week. I actually reported the "gossip" incident too, but I'm not sure if it was before or after the staff meeting. Making sure I'm covering my own butt here, because I know I've done nothing wrong.

So I'm off to the doctors this week to see if I can get something to help with the anxiety. I can't handle it any more, and it's starting to really affect me.

Madd has a curriculum day off school tomorrow. She had a late night on Friday night. She was MEANT to have a sleepover with a girl at our place on Saturday night, but I cancelled. She spent the whole weekend melting down over one thing after the other. She's at Mum's tonight since there's no school tomorrow and I have placement. I'm dreading going back to placement, I get extremely anxious and start to panic every time I think about it.

So... life isn't very easy right now. Can't do much about anything that's going on, but I just needed to vent.

Ed Sheeran.... do I need to say more?

   Apparently I do need to say more, because I just can't help myself.
From the first time I heard "Lego House", I was hooked. I listened to a couple of his other songs, then decided I had to have the album. It was worth every cent.

    For those who have been living under a rock, Ed Sheeran is an awesome guy from England. He has spunky red hair, dresses like a regular guy, seems pretty down-to-earth, has many guitars, and an amazing voice. I think he's technically classed as a "folk" singer, whatever that means. I just know he's got amazing talent, and judging by his concert sales he's going to go very far.

     I hadn't heard his music before the 2012 concert had been long sold out.
Tickets for his March 5th 2013 went on sale at 9am this morning. They were sold out by 9.01am. I did everything humanly possible to get a ticket - I sat on the computer and refreshed the screen every time it loaded from 8:55am until 9:00am when my computer said the tickets were now for sale. I filled the stuff out as quick as possible, and... SOLD OUT.
Ed Sheeran took 1 minute to sell an entire concert out.

     I didn't realise until about an hour ago that at 9:15am this morning, a second concert was released for March 6th 2013. As soon as I realised, I was devastated. I figured the second concert would also be sold out and that I'd totally missed the boat.  I logged on just in case, and BAM! I had tickets!

Absolutely stoked that I got tickets. My sister Kim and I are going tosee him, and I can't wait! It's totally made my day. I was having a really crappy day, but it just got a whole lot better :)

FUCK YOU AUTISM... and shame on me too

    Tonight is just a really really shitty night.
The kids ran out of toothpaste last night, so I bought them some more today. I bought the same tube for Cooper as before, and bought Madd the next one up; the one for "big teeth".
     BIG MISTAKE.

Because Madd is so high-functioning, I take it for granted sometimes that she'll just adapt to things. So, without thinking, I assumed the new toothpaste would be fine. It wasn't.

She's been melting down for over an hour now. I told her that she didn't have to brush her teeth tonight, and she could wait til tomorrow night when I've had a chance to find the "right toothpaste".
I really don't want to write much about it, I'm exhausted after 2 hours of meltdown. But I ended up pinning her on my lap and putting Nick JR on the tv to calm her down. It worked, and about 10 minutes later she was calm enough to talk again.

Note to self (and to everyone else) - just because a child is "high functioning" autism, never assume that they don't have needs and issues. She still has issues, and sensory problems. It's not as cut and dry as it sounds - "High-functioning " or "Aspergers" doesn't mean that life is easy for her (or us), she just has different problems to others on the spectrum.

I Want to Write a Book about Aspergers

I really want to write a book on Aspergers Syndrome.
As someone who's finally got a provisional diagnosis for their child, I think I've just about heard it all....
"She can't have Aspergers. She doesn't toe-walk or flap, and she has eye contact"
"But she talks too well. She looks normal"
"Ohhh, so you finally got a "label" for her"
"Everyone's got a label these days, don't they"

I know people don't really know what to say, but it's not comforting to be told over and over that they don't "get it", and they don't understand because "she seems so normal". She's an amazing kid with a lot of social/emotional/behavioural problems that she hides extremely well. I've been told for a long time that she'll grow out of the "bad behaviour". She hasn't.

There's a good saying out there, one that's very well-known in the Asperger/Autism world.
"Once you've known a child with autism, you know one child with autism."

In other words, not all autistic kids are the same. Some flap, some don't. Some talk, some don't.
There were a lot of signs with Madd, that I saw but no one else did. I let everyone convince me that she was normal and she'd just "grow out of it". I should have listened to my inner voice that was screaming at me.

I want to write a book about being a parent to an aspie child, especially an aspie girl. Girls are very different to boys, and Aspiegirls are usually very different to Aspieboys. In this book, I also want to have a list of online/offline places that you should go to get help/support when you think your child has autism/aspergers, or after you get a diagnosis. There isn't really any one place to get all that information that's easy to find when you need it.

So.... that's my long-term plan. Hopefully I'll get somewhere with it.

Happy Birthday Cooper

     This time 2 years ago, I was in labour with Cooper. I wasn't progressing, and they were deciding whether or not I'd need to have an emergency c-section.  At 10:55pm, Cooper was born through an emergency c-section.
At 10:57pm, I got to see my son's face. They brought him over, but I was feeling very sick and dizzy. I remember saying to the anaesthetist "I don't want to see him. I'm starting to panic, you need to knock me out, you need to knock me out, now, now now, please." To which he rapidly complied.

I didn't know at the time, but at 10:56pm, I started dying.

    They kicked Ash and Cooper out of the operating room, and sent them back to my room in Maternity. Ash didn't get any news about me for 4 hours.

      Humans have 5 to 6 litres of blood. I lost 4.
I had a Class IV haemorrhage and hypovolemia. I nearly died.
      At 2:45am, I awoke feeling  very groggy. At around 3am, they told Ash that I was going to live.
At 4am, I was wheeled back to my room and I got to see Ash. I was drifting in and out with the morphine drip they had me on. I was in a lot of pain, and was pushing the button every 5 minutes (that was the minimum wait time). What they failed to tell me at the time was that morphine can cause an ileus (shut-down bowel).

    For the next couple of days, I was feeling pretty good. I had visitors, I got up and walked around, I even saw Coopman go under the lights (jaundice). 
Then it all fell apart.

    When my bowel shut down, it was the worst pain in the world. There's a lot more to it, but I'm not up to writing it all now. They sent Cooper home with my mum when he was a few days old, because they knew I'd be there for quite awhile. Ash needed to be at the hospital, because I couldn't make any decisions; I was too out of it. Madd got sent off to the inlaws.

     They said to me that the recovery was going to be at least 12 months. I laughed at the time, I didn't believe that it would be that long.

    24 months later, and I still have some recovering to do. Some bits and pieces of my body aren't quite back to normal yet, but they're getting there. I've come a hell of a long way in those 24 months. I had post-traumatic stress disorder, and was seeing a shrink and taking antidipressants. That helped a hell of a lot.

   These days I'm medication-free. I don't smoke. I rarely drink. I love both my kids. I have finally bonded with Madd. A few months ago, I got my memory back- for the first 18 months, I didn't remember any of the pregnancy, labour, or anything after that. I couldn't look back beyond a month. Now life is looking a lot better.

    So a big happy birthday to my baby boy Cooper... not such a baby any more. And congratulations to Ash, Madd Cooper and I for being a happy, healthy family. We very nearly weren't.

As much as I know it's Coop's big day today, it will also always be a reminder of how much I nearly lost, and how I should keep looking forward and enjoying life.

My Child Has Aspergers... and more

    It's unofficially official. We have a provisional diagnosis for Miss M.
Aspergers Syndrome and ADHD. 
I'm not sure how I feel. On one hand, I'm relieved that we have confirmation that she's not just a "bad kid" and that I'm not just a "bad parent". There IS more to Miss M than meets the eye.

     At 6 1/2, most kids don't throw temper tantrums constantly. They can dress themselves without a chart on their wall telling them how to do it. They can accept changes to routine without too much drama. They don't run away and hide when they're anxious about something.

     It's nice to finally have someone believe me that there's something NQR about my child. She has almost no social skills. When she plays with other kids (with a few exceptions), she is either extremely bossy or she is excluded and picked on.

     So now we wait. We wait for the "official" paperwork with the diagnosis. She has 5 sessions with a psychologist coming up in October/November. In the meantime, I know what is going on with her and I have something to work with now.

     Incremin (a vitamin/iron liquid supplement) is working. I've been giving it to Miss M for the last few months. A friend recommended it to me, and I can't believe the change in her. She's very calm most of the time, she's been really really good. I was unsure as to whether it was working or if it was all in my head. So I took her off it. Almost immediately I noticed a change in her. She was short-tempered, anxious, and upset. I kept her off it for almost a week, and by the end of it I was thrilled to put her back onto it. It didn't work immediately, it took just over a week of her being back on it to return to her lovely self. So it's definitely doing something good, even if I don't understand it.

     So.... now we wait until the start of November to get the paperwork done and get her some proper help, if she's actually entitled to any. Unfortunately, the funding for the autism spectrum stops at 6, and the child must be diagnosed by 5. Stupid, really. But that's life. At least the school (and hopefully family and friends) will be more understanding of her behaviour, and handle her a little differently. Yelling and smacking a child with autism does NOT help. In fact, it skyrockets their anxiety. And her smiling/smirking when she gets told off? It's not her thinking it's funny, it's just her inappropriate facial expression.

     She's teaching me patience. And tolerance. And that all kids should be appreciated for being THEM, not for being what everyone deems as perfect.

Thanks for reading.

Depression - do you ever really recover from it?

     Depression is a close-to-home subject for me. I've suffered from depression since I was 15. That was 14 years ago. I went undiagnosed until I was around 23, after I had my first child and my partner told me that I really needed to get help for it.

     My undiagnosed years were awful. I went from being a straight A+ student to being a B student. This doesn't seem like a big deal, it's not a huge drop in grades. BUT.... I was a genius. I was very very VERY smart, and I lost all motivation to do the work that came easily to me or to figure out how to do the work that I didn't understand. I self-harmed. I would have smoked if I'd had easy access to them. I took up drinking at 18 and spent the next 12 months drinking myself into a stupor every now and then.

      In my teenage and early adult years, I jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend, and hung around with any girls or guys that made me feel better about myself. I had some friends of "questionable calibre".

     I was put onto medication when I was 23. The first day I took the medication was a work day. I was living in Rowville and working in Melbourne. I took the meds in the morning, and jumped on a train to the city. About 3 minutes into the journey, I felt really dizzy and nauseous. I made it as far as Ringwood station before I jumped off the train. I found the nearest loo, which happened to be at the shopping centre. I vomited foam. It scared the hell out of me... who vomits FOAM????  Fortunately I made it home again.
     The next medication they put me on made me feel sick, but nothing like the first meds. It worked for a long time. Then I went off it.

THAT IS THE TYPICAL DEPRESSION CYCLE - you take your medication... it works wonders. Then you're sure that you're fine and you don't need it, forgetting all about the fact that it's actually the medication working! So you go off the meds. Within 12 months you've crashed again, and you go back on it.
Some people go on this medication merry-go-round for many many years. Some people do just fine without the medication. Others need it for life. And others need it but can't see that they do, so they make their lives and everyone around them miserable.


    When I had my second child in 2010, I nearly died in childbirth. I had to have an emergency c-section, and nearly bled to death. When I left hospital after 3 weeks, I'd been through hell (I'll do a separate post about all that). I went to see a psychologist, because I was really not myself. I knew I wasn't, and I sought help.

     Over the years, I've dealt with depression on and off. I can't honestly say that I'm "cured".
I'm going through a very nostalgic phase at the moment. Since the photo of high school resurfaced, I've done a lot of thinking.
I'm very grateful for a few people that were in my life. A schoolfriend's father, who was also a teacher at the school - I'm not sure what I would have done without him. I remember walking 4 hours to get to his place from mine, because I was wanting to kill myself but at the same time knowing that wasn't really what I wanted. I was hurting really badly. I was a wreck. He took me in, put me up on the couch for the night, and drove me to school the next day. Mr was there for me, and I don't know what I would have done without him. I don't think I'd be sitting here today if it wasn't for him. It's a debt I'll never be able to repay.

The schoolfriend who went to my mother and told her that I was self-harming and that I really needed her to get me some help. He was genuinely concerned. I never knew that he spoke to my mother, and when I found out I was extremely angry with Mum for never having got me the help I needed. She was "embarassed" and pissed off that I'd "embarassed her". She accused me of being attention seeking, and told me she was glad I'd "grown out of it".

It's this attitude toward depression that causes so many of us to avoid seeking help. There is a stigma toward having depression. The main misconception is that things have to be wrong for you to have depression. WRONG!! You can have every reason in the world to be happy and still feel miserable. Or angry. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, NOT caused by the person "feeling sorry for themselves".
Myth # 2 - depression means you feel upset. WRONG again. Depression has many faces - sometimes it's just extreme anger and hostility. It's not always about being depressed or showing signs of depression. Sometimes it can show as a short fuse. Depression is frustrating!

So... can you ever really recover? I don't think so.
From personal experience over the last 14 years, I know that some days are harder than others. I can go months and months without depression affecting me. Then BAM! It hits me out of the blue for no apparent reason. So if you know someone that has suffered depression, and you see them starting to slip back into it - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not think "oh well, they'll be right".
Medication works for some. Speaking to a psychologist works for some. Sometimes both. But help is definitely needed.







**Just as a side note, if someone close to you has committed suicide, don't EVER blame yourself. Chances are that the person had hit the point of no return and there was nothing that anyone could have done. If they didn't seek help, or couldn't seek help, that is a tragedy. If you suspected they were suicidal and did nothing - not your fault. As harsh as it is, the only person to blame is .... no one. There IS no one to blame when it comes to suicide. It's a tragedy. Hopefully one that can be made a lot more rare an occurrence as depression is more commonly accepted and helped.

High School Memories

    I was having coffee recently with an old school friend of mine, the only person from school who I still speak to. We were sitting in the lounge room at her place, and she dug out an old photo of when we were in Year 12.
  
     That was a couple of months ago now. I've had a lot of time to sit and think about that photo. When I first saw the photo, I was amazed at how young everyone looked. And how long ago it was. It's been over 10 years since high school ended.  I'm also amazed at how things changed between Year 9 and Year 12. Year 9 we were an extremely close group. By the end of Year 12, there were multiple boyfriend-girlfriend breakups in the group, and a couple of people practically at war with one another.
In the photograph, there are 18 people. One person in that photo was not really part of the close group. One person who was part of the close group isn't in the photo but should be. 

     Now one of those people has moved to QLD. One of the girls' mum has died. Two have been married and then separated. Seven of us have kids. One of them is still dating the same girl he was dating back then. A few of the people in the photo are engaged. One of them has done great volunteer work in Kenya.

     I look at the photo, and I'm flooded with a range of emotions. Mostly because by the end of Year 12, I was ostracised from this group. Not through any fault of theirs, however. Mine.
Because I'm the one with the mental illness.

     Back then, I had almost no self-esteem. Three of the boys in that photo I went out with at one point or another. My first "boyfriend" in Year 7 or 8 when "going out" meant you just hung around at school together.
The "one who got away" - the guy I broke up with even though I was crazy about him, because I knew I was going off the rails and losing it, and didin't want to drag him down with me.  The "farm boy", who was a true friend to me for many many years, both at school, after school, and in the early adult years - the one who I always cared very deeply about but never really told him how much he meant to me.

      Then there's another guy in the photo who catches my eye - the one who tried to save me from myself. The one who tried in vain to speak my mother about my self-destructive behaviour, but was  brushed aside. I didn't find out about this until I was 25 and had been diagnosed with depression and told my mother about it. She'd always put it down to me "seeking attention". She told me that he'd gone to her, and that she'd been embarassed and that she was still annoyed at me for "embarrassing her".

       I look at the photo, and I'm glad to be away from all that drama. I thought I'd grown up so much since high school. In some ways I have. In some ways I haven't. I look back at the people that I've lost contact with, and it makes me a bit nostalgic and sad. I wish that I could go back to those days, where I had close friends who I could spend time with.
Then I remember - the reason I don't have them in my life any more is because I lost the plot so much. Some of them I would still like to be friends with, I'd like to go back and tell them how much they all meant to me. But I can't.

I have 2 kids who I adore. They drive me mental, especially considering I have one child going through a full assessment for behaviour-social-emotional problems, and the other is a rambunctious toddler who gets into EVERYTHING!! Plus I still have depression - most days are great, I have it under control a lot more than I did back in high school.

    So much has changed since high school. Life has moved on. But I still miss parts of it.
So for those in the photo who read my blog - particularly CJ, TJC and K.... you'll never know how much you all meant to me back then. I miss how you were there for me when I needed you, especially TJC.You were a true friend, one that I didn't think I deserved. And to Sammi, who is a true friend who I don't know how I'd survive without. You make every day a bit easier, knowing that you're only a keyboard away. I love catching up with our kids for coffee (for us, not the kids!), the cake, and the wonderful chats about life, important stuff, and absolute crap that we randomly talk about! You're an amazing person who should be told so more often.

So to all in the "Courtyard Group" in high school - enjoy the rest of your lives post-high-school. I am and will. And I'm always up for a chat on Facebook.

xxx

Holiday Post # 1 -Coming live from Lilydale, Tasmania

So it's Day 4 of our holiday to Tasmania.

We caught the Spirit of Tasmania on Monday night at 7:30pm. We had a GREAT trip over, not. Miss M absconded while I was in the loo. She got spooked by the violent rocking of the boat as we were going through the Heads, and stepped out of the cabin to see if she could see us (she assumed I was out on the deck with Daddy). Unfortunately for her, the cabin door shut behind her. She stood in the hallway for a couple of minutes, until a man came along. He asked her what was wrong, and she said she'd been locked out of the room. Unfortunately, with Miss M's lack of clear communication skills and logical reasoning, she thought that she was “lost”. The man found his wife, and sent his wife off looking for us. Meanwhile, I'd come out of the loo, realised she was missing, and went MADLY running around the ship looking for her. TWENTY MINUTES LATER I caught up with Maddison and the lady. Madd was looking very scared, and wasn't speaking by this point. She saw me, and was so scared that she couldn't even acknowledge me.

The lady looked at Madd's reaction, and asked “Is this your Mummy?” Madd couldn't or wouldn't respond, I'm not sure if she was in a state of terror or she thought she'd be in massive trouble for leaving the room after we'd told her not to leave the room under ANY circumstances. The lady was pretty dubious that I was Madd's mum, because of Madd's lack of reaction. No sigh of relief, no “MUMMY!” screamed in delight at me because I'd been found. No reaction at all. *sigh *

So I took her back to the room, and I haven't left her side since.

The next morning, we disembarked (got off the boat). Our garage number was called, so we had to go get in the car and drive off the boat. Madd, of course, stood right in front of the door which happened to be behind Daddy, who was packing the last of our things. He turned around, and elbowed her in the face, knocking her already-wobbly tooth. It immediately started spurting blood. BIG groans from Daddy and I, knowing that we would LOVE to show her some sympathy and attention and help her but WE NEED TO GET OUR CAR!! We apologised to her for not being able to “fix it now”, but explained that we had to get our car straight away. So Ash carried Coopman, I carried the bags and dragged Madd along to the garage deck.

We arrived in Devonport, and had breakfast at a lovely little breakfast cafe called Bella's Pizza Cafe. They were very welcoming and accommodating. They brought our little one a glass of milk, and made an amazing hot chocolate for Miss M, who decided it was “yucky” before she'd even tasted it (score one for ME, I drank it and it was marvellous!).

     We went to Tasmazia the other day, and within 10 seconds of walking into the maze we'd lost Coopman. 

He was running past Ash to catch up to me, and suddenly he took a turn. Madd chased after him, and came back 10 seconds later and said "I lost him". Well that sent me into a panic. I grabbed Madd, and Ash and I took off in different directions to find him.  I called Ash on the mobile about 10 minutes later, and he still hadn't found Cooper. Neither had I. 20 minutes later, I heard a little kid screaming his lungs out in hysterics. I recognised my son's crying immediately. I took off running in the direction of his screaming. He'd climbed in between the two sides of the maze path, and was stuck in the spiky bushes. A lovely lady fetched him for me, as I couldn't get to him (fortunately she was much smaller than 6ft overweight me). He was so relieved to see me, it was "Mummy, Mummy, Mummy" for a couple of hours before it was all about Daddy again. It was nice being the favourite for a little while!!

I have to say that Maddison hasn't been herself until today. We arrived in Tassie on Tuesday morning. It's now Friday evening, and she's finally her “nice self” again. She's been teary and sooky and grumpy, downright defiant, and then over-happy and bouncing around like a maniac. She's finally settled down this afternoon and she's back to being Happy Maddison.

Tomorrow we leave our farmstay at Cherry Top Farm, where we've spent the past 3 nights (4 nights here in total). We're off to another part of Tasmania tomorrow, will update in a couple of days. 

Hopefully the rest of the holiday will be peaceful.