This time 2 years ago, I was in labour with Cooper. I wasn't progressing, and they were deciding whether or not I'd need to have an emergency c-section. At 10:55pm, Cooper was born through an emergency c-section.
At 10:57pm, I got to see my son's face. They brought him over, but I was feeling very sick and dizzy. I remember saying to the anaesthetist "I don't want to see him. I'm starting to panic, you need to knock me out, you need to knock me out, now, now now, please." To which he rapidly complied.
I didn't know at the time, but at 10:56pm, I started dying.
They kicked Ash and Cooper out of the operating room, and sent them back to my room in Maternity. Ash didn't get any news about me for 4 hours.
Humans have 5 to 6 litres of blood. I lost 4.
I had a Class IV haemorrhage and hypovolemia. I nearly died.
At 2:45am, I awoke feeling very groggy. At around 3am, they told Ash that I was going to live.
At 4am, I was wheeled back to my room and I got to see Ash. I was drifting in and out with the morphine drip they had me on. I was in a lot of pain, and was pushing the button every 5 minutes (that was the minimum wait time). What they failed to tell me at the time was that morphine can cause an ileus (shut-down bowel).
For the next couple of days, I was feeling pretty good. I had visitors, I got up and walked around, I even saw Coopman go under the lights (jaundice).
Then it all fell apart.
When my bowel shut down, it was the worst pain in the world. There's a lot more to it, but I'm not up to writing it all now. They sent Cooper home with my mum when he was a few days old, because they knew I'd be there for quite awhile. Ash needed to be at the hospital, because I couldn't make any decisions; I was too out of it. Madd got sent off to the inlaws.
They said to me that the recovery was going to be at least 12 months. I laughed at the time, I didn't believe that it would be that long.
24 months later, and I still have some recovering to do. Some bits and pieces of my body aren't quite back to normal yet, but they're getting there. I've come a hell of a long way in those 24 months. I had post-traumatic stress disorder, and was seeing a shrink and taking antidipressants. That helped a hell of a lot.
These days I'm medication-free. I don't smoke. I rarely drink. I love both my kids. I have finally bonded with Madd. A few months ago, I got my memory back- for the first 18 months, I didn't remember any of the pregnancy, labour, or anything after that. I couldn't look back beyond a month. Now life is looking a lot better.
So a big happy birthday to my baby boy Cooper... not such a baby any more. And congratulations to Ash, Madd Cooper and I for being a happy, healthy family. We very nearly weren't.
As much as I know it's Coop's big day today, it will also always be a reminder of how much I nearly lost, and how I should keep looking forward and enjoying life.
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